It's a Bloggy Blog World

I've spent the last few days in the hospital and don't really feel like posting so today I'm just sharing some jokes that I found on www.boomertowne.com.

No worries though, everything is fine. I, like my father, grandfather, uncles and a sister inherited some "crappy, sucky, heart" genes. All is well, but I now have the great honor of carrying around Nitro and Baby Aspirin everywhere I may roam. So with that said, bring on the funny!

THE JOKES

#1
An Old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son:

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you, Vinnie


#2
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.

At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned.
Added to it was this cryptic message, 'Genesis 3:10.'

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.'

Genesis 3:10 reads, 'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.'

#3
Little Billy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send Billy a $5.00 bill.
President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
Billy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:
Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.
Thanks,
Billy

#4
Actual Instruction Labels...

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
Warning keep out of children.
ON A HAIR DRYER:
Do not use while sleeping.
ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
ON A FROZEN DINNER:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP:
Fits one head.
ON TESCO''S TIRAMISU DESERT:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:
Product will be hot after heating.
ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:
Do not iron clothes on body.
ON BOOTS CHILDRENS'' COUGH MEDICINE:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):
Warning: may cause drowsiness.

ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:
Not to be used for the other use.
ON SAINSBURY''S PEANUTS:
Warning: contains nuts.
ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

Okay that's all for now, but there are lots on the site!!

Andrew's Birthday

Today we had Andrew's 8th birthday party. There were supposed to be 7 kids in all, including Andrew and Sam, but since no one knows how to RSVP anymore these days I had no idea who was coming. I planned for 8 to be on the safe side. As it turned out, the three who didn't RSVP didn't show, so I guess they did what they were supposed to do. I know that one of them was out of town, but the other two were home and just didn't come. I always worry that the parents feel like they HAVE to send a gift with their kiddo. We always request their "presence" not their "presents", but I still feel that probably comes into play.

Either way, we had a great day. Andrew is all into pirates so I went all out with the pirate gear at the party store. I even got one of those stand up, stick your head through the hole thingies for taking pictures.



I took pics of the three who came and emailed them to their parents. I thought they'd enjoy that. When everyone first got here though we had a massive treasure hunt for the kids' goodie bags. Yesterday I ran around the house snapping pics of good hiding places and then printed them out and cut each picture into fours. I took each one and put it in a ziploc and then hid it. Each puzzle/picture was the location of their next clue. I had separated the kids into two teams and I told them that the first team to get back to me with their bags got to choose a prize from the treasure chest first. I got a few pirate odds and ends (swords, hooks, pirate jewelry) to put in the chest. It was a riot watching them scurry from clue to clue, but it really didn't last as long as I wanted it to. Next time I'm gonna use clues further from the house, maybe different spots around the neighborhood so they'll be at it longer. They had so much fun! They all got to choose from the prizes in the end so it was mostly just fun. After that we played "pin the flag on the 'X'", which is the pirate variation of the donkey game we all know and love. The pirate cup you see in the above picture was the prize for that one, but when I was telling the kids about the prize I referred to the cup (in my best pirate voice) as the "highly coveted pirate chalice." At the end of the day when the little boy who won was leaving he yelled, "Wait a minute so I can get my coveted chalice!" I was tickled to say the least.

Andrew made out like a bandit this year on gifts. He was very happy and played intently with all of his pirate things for the rest of the day. I, of course, had to remove the pirate decorations from the dining room and promptly transport them to Andrew's bedroom per his request. So now there are 'Beware of Pirates' and 'Landlubbers Keep Out' plastered all over, but as long as he keeps order in that shipwreck of a room I will gladly sustain from making him walk the plank! Oh Lord, forgive me for my cheesy humor this evening. I know not what I say!! All in all we had a lot of fun. Oh and if anyone in my Fort Hood area needs to borrow pirate gear just let me know!!

Our weekend away

Well we're back from San Antonio! Yes, I know I didn't tell anyone I was leaving, but that's just me. When I was in college I used to just leave for the weekend without ever telling my roomies anything about it. It was really about what I felt like doing. I realized how inconsiderate it was when I came back from a weekend away to find them on the verge of filing a missing persons report because I hadn't gone home to my family. I would usually just go to Mom's house and they could call me there to see if that was, in fact, where I was, but the one weekend I had gone to stay with old friends and they were scared shitless that I was dead somewhere. I apologized and laughed a lot and they explained the need for me to let them know when I'm going somewhere. I told them that that probably wouldn't happen because back then I pretty much lived by the seat of my pants, but I would consider leaving a note.

Anyway, we had a great time this past weekend. We stayed at an RV Resort called Blazing Star in one of their cabins. There were seven of us altogether - Nick's parents and then us five. I'm not going to review our cabin on here, but I'll just say that it was nice, but I've stayed in better for cheaper. The best part, though, was the RV park itself. We brought the boys' scooters and there was a pool and an arcade and a ping pong table!! They made friends over the weekend and never complained even one time about wanting to play Xbox! It was awesome. Sam, who is usually my biggest gaming whiner, said he wants to go there for every single vacation EVER. I was so happy to see them have fun. We also went to Sea world on our Salute to the Heroes pass, but that was kinda miserable - thank God it was free. The water park part of it wasn't open yet this season so that was really the main reason Sea World didn't rock so much. Now, the shows were awesome - even Olivia (18 months old) sat through them and watched attentively, but she didn't wanna ride in the stroller and would only let me hold her. It was really hot Saturday and I was just beat down by the time we left. Nevermind the fact that it was also supposed to be mine and Nick's night out without the kids so after Sea World we went back to the resort and got all cleaned up. We were going to have dinner and maybe a drinkie poo on the Riverwalk and I was stupid enough to wear heels. Who the hell knows what I was thinking other than I had a date and heels were required. When we got downtown we discovered a St. Patty's Day celebration underway. The entire riverwalk and Alamo Dr. were all decorated, there were bands playing everywhere, fire eaters, light shows, glass blower, you name it and it was there....oh and there was beer.......lots and lots of beer. I'm not a beer drinker, but I got one and halfway through I just gave it to Nick cause me no likey. Dinner was awesome. We went to a place called Landry's and I had the stuffed flounder - mmmmmmmmmmmm. Nick had the steak and lobster. His lobster was flippin' awesome but I made him send the steak back because it was like rubber!! I've seen the movie "Waiting" and I pray they did nothing to his new steak, but hell, it was $37.00 a plate - you'd send it back too if it wasn't perfect. His new steak was alright, but just not as good as it should have been. We ended up home by 10:45, which is very late for us these days so I was happy with a day well done.

Ok, I gotta go get my hair done now - yippee!!!

Update on Nathan

For those of you who may not know who Nathan is, here's the original story: How Does This Happen?

Okay, so Nathan is finally out of his body cast and is still in foster care. Family Services wanted him in foster care until they could complete their entire investigation so for the past month and a half he has been bonding with strangers. I'm not mad that he's there - I just wish he could have been with me instead. In the meantime my brother and his stupid girlfriend are up their old tricks. Brad found out Beth has been cheating on him so they broke up for like 4 days. I guess that's all it takes to regain trust in someone. Both of them are supposed to be paying child support, but Brad is the only one working while Beth runs around as she pleases in Brad's car. She won't "let" him take the car anywhere. She makes all the decisions while Brad just puts his head between his knees and takes it. During their little break he called me because we hadn't talked since last summer and he really convinced me that he was done with all the craziness. Unfortunately, Beth has turned up pregnant again and so she's used that to lure him back in. Not to mention, his uncontrollable need to "be with" someone.

Anyway, my sister was FINALLY approved as the ONLY person who could take Nathan. DFCS realized that they did not know who it was that actually hurt him. Angie and her husband were the only ones who had never kept him for any extended period which meant that they were the only people who obviously did not do it. My mom was stupid enough to let Brad convince her to lie to DFCS about where the incident happened. She told them that Nathan was hurt at her house because Brad and Beth were worried that Section 8 would find out he was living at her house and Beth would lose her housing benefits. I yelled lots and lots at Mom for doing this because it was a stupid lie to begin with. They weren't even comparing apples to apples, but when you pile lie upon lie upon lie you become paranoid of everything, so now Mom isn't allowed to be around her own grandson. I told her. I told her. I told her. I even told her to call and tell them that they were lying but she wouldn't. So I dropped it. So this morning they all went to court so that Nathan could be placed with Angie and Jim. Know what happened??? Beth got mad because she doesn't like Angie (because Angie and Jim don't do drugs, drink or go to prison, u know) and her and Brad's attorney requested that Nathan STAY in foster care. The judge plainly looked at Brad and Beth and said, "Okay, let me explain. If Nathan stays in foster care, we will proceed with termination hearings in 15 months. BUT if he stays in family care that time clock stops and you have no worry of actually losing custody of your son. Also remember that the longer he stays in foster care, the stronger the bond he will develop with that family." And how do you think Brad and Beth responded? "We understand and would still like for him to stay in foster care." The judge nodded and set another placement hearing for two weeks from today. My sister and her husband were just dumbfounded. I would have cried, but Angie is much stronger than me. Brad and Beth are just plain evil. Maybe I shouldn't judge. Nope. Evil. Angie didn't say anything in court because she's expecting that Beth is going to try and start trouble during this two week interval so that she can point and say, "See, this is why they shouldn't have the baby." It ultimately boils down to the bottom line: is the court going to continue to pay for foster care when they could place him with family for free? I don't think so. I am literally so mad at my brother that I just laughed when Angie called this morning. The whole thing has become ridiculous. Beth is obviously unstable and Brad is obviously unwilling to leave her. It is my opinion that the court should just proceed with termination and either let me or Angie have him. Do I really need child #4? Nope. Does that really matter? Nope. Will I love him with all my heart and soul? Yep. They just need to do something before his "attachment meter" is all screwed up and he ends up with some serious, serious psychological issues from his parents being idiots.