At least you're a legal Hooe

Don Imus referred to the Rutgers women's basketball team as "nappy headed hos." When all the turmoil broke out over that big debacle and I learned that he was being sued for using that word, I asked myself, "why can't you sue him as well?" I'm a Hooe (yes, it's spelled that way, but pronounced like the garden tool), but I don't have a nappy head. He's giving a bad name to Hooe's everywhere by referring to them as nappy headed. I was totally put off by the whole thing. Ok, back to business.

:::standing for the class:::

Hi, my name is Susan and I'm a Hooe. ::::giggle, giggle:::: Yea, I'm laughing with you not at me. I was married in August 1999 to a man by the last name Hooe.

You: But, Susan, why on Earth didn't you just keep your maiden name?
Me: I felt a tuggin' at my ole timey gut that told me it was the right thing to do.
You: But, Susan, why didn't you just hyphenate your last name? That, at least, might have
taken a bit of the edge off.
Me: My maiden name is Stone...I'll let you play with that little hyphenation yourself and you
will surely be able to see why I didn't go with that one.
You: Have you asked your husband to consider taking your maiden name?
Me: Yes, and that's a big negative SIR~!
You: What about changing it all together...like making it Hope instead?
Me: I just asked him that last night and he looked at me with sorrowful eyes and said, "Susan,
it's my family name. It was my grandfathers name and I am not ashamed of it."

I hung my head so low I was giving the carpet butterfly kisses. I dropped the subject after that.
Now, let me just tell you that his grandfather's first name was Ivan. Yes, Ivan Hooe. He was a giant of a man. Served in WWII with some famous general and has the pictures to prove it. I have also had the opportunity to visit the family plot, only to discover that there was an Aunt Ida in the family. Again, Ida Hooe. You can't make this stuff up. It's true, I swear. What's worse is the fact that while we were there to pay respects to his family, I was desperately trying to stifle the laughter from reading the tombstones in his family. I'm evil, I suppose, but I believe that God has an incredible sense of humor and he chose to make my poor hubby's family the proverbial butt of many overplayed jokes. And speaking of jokes I have certainly heard them all. No, as far as I have researched, there was never an Ima or a Eura in the family. Lord willing, though, I will make those discoveries before my Hooe days are done.
When my husband and I were dating, a millenium ago, I never fathomed that I would graciously accept the name of Hooe. As bad as this sounds, we were on our second date before I even knew his last name. OMG, how awful is that?! But it was innocent. When I was in college I would come home during the summers to work in the kitchen at our hospital. I worked in the basement preparing meals for patients and my husband worked in the upstairs cafeteria for hospital visitors. We were still on the same employee schedule, and crossed paths occassionally. One day my co-worker, Annie, told me that the "cute guy" (that's what we called him) upstairs wanted to know who the "girl with big boobs was." WHAT??? "That's how he asked about me? Not, 'the blonde,' or 'the only chic downstairs not eligible for AARP?' Yup, I was "the girl with big boobs" and for some Godforsaken reason I giggled and gave him my number. So anyway, fast forward to our second date. We went to a movie, which is really kind of a stupid date cause you don't really get the chance to get to know someone and he's driving me back and I suddenly realized, "Oh my Gosh! I don't even know your last name!!!" He looked at me and kind of smiled shyly. I really should have known something was up at that point and he said, "Ho." I was flabbergasted that he would call me that and as I was preparing to give him the old whatfor he stopped and said, "No, my name is Hooe!!!"

Silence.........stunned.......silence............obnoxious snort...........then complete uproarious laughter.

Me: (still laughing, you know, the laughing speech) What???
Him: My last name is Hooe. (not laughing at all, but blushing quite a bit)
Me: You're kidding right? (still laughing, but starting to worry)
Him: No. (dead serious)
Me: OH MY GOD!! You're serious!! (yes, I really yelled this)

It was that moment that I remember clearly thinking, "Well, I can just have fun with this one, cause there's no way I can ever marry him."

That date occurred the summer of '97. Two summers later, my dad, with his ever quick wit remarked, "Well, at least you're a legal Hooe." And so the story goes......