Thursday, January 31, 2008

How does this happen?

My nephew is 5 months old and just got out of the hospital with a broken pelvis, broken ribs, a broken arm and a broken hand. FIVE MONTHS OLD!! I'm so mad that I can't even express it anymore. It's like I'm so blown away by recent, ridiculous family events that I've grown numb. I guess I'll try to re-hash everything but it's such a big cluster that I'll be all over the place so bear with me. OK, a little history:

My brother is Brad. He's 24 years old and just moved out of Mom's house last year when he found out his girlfriend was pregnant. My mother is mentally ill. Brad is completely dependent on other people. He gets severely depressed when he doesn't have a girlfriend. I don't really think it would matter who it is as long as they cater to his "needy" lifestyle. Since Brad turned 18 he has stolen thousands of dollars from Mom and my step-dad. He's stolen checks and cash and taken objects to the pawn shop. He somehow feels entitled to all of these things cause he feels like he was denied "things" throughout his life. Brad has another daughter from a previous relationship who he has virtually nothing to do with, including paying his child support. My mom recently started paying his child support for him to keep him out of jail. He has chosen not to see Izzy (his 4-year-old daughter) because his girlfriend, Beth, has forbidden it and told him he had to choose. Beth thinks Izzy is "the spawn of Satan" and she has wished her dead on multiple occasions. She even went so far as to threaten to cut Izzy's mom's brake lines and said, "I hope Jennifer and Izzy are in the car together and they both die in the wreck." A couple weeks back, Brad came home from work and Beth yelled at him, "Take this effin' baby before I break his neck and throw him out the window!!" For some reason, Brad believes that these things are only said in "anger" and that Beth doesn't really mean it. Whatever. So my sister called Izzy's mom and she proceeded to get a restraining order against Beth. And the only reason we ever find out about the things she says is because they have fights and while Brad is angry he tells us things he normally wouldn't. Beth comes from a pretty little know, multiple family members in and out of prison, drug dealer, alcoholics, etc.... Beth also has a daughter (McKenzie) from a previous marriage. She does NOT have custody of this little girl because when Kenzie was a baby, Beth left her in the bathtub and she was hurt. Go figure. Is anyone starting to get the picture? Beth is no June Cleaver. She and Brad both did drugs throughout her pregnancy and live this totally crazy lifestyle and are always working out ways to stay on government support. Like, if Brad gets a job then Beth quits hers so she can get more food stamps, but for some reason whenever my sister would go to their house, there would be no food in the fridge. I'm sure she was selling them. Anyway, fast forward to the birth of Nathan, Brad and Beth's baby. I had already moved to Texas when he was born, so all I've ever seen of him is pictures. My mom babysits him often and Beth's crazy family babysits him mucho mucho. Like I said, Beth's family is just as nutty as Beth, but my brother doesn't listen to me so it's been no use talking to him about it. It doesn't seem to bother him that his child could be in danger. Oh well. Every time my sister would go and visit little Nathan at Brad's house he was never dressed, Beth was never dressed, the house always a disgusting mess and Brad and Beth were always fighting. On one occasion she was beating the crap out of Brad and kicked him out of the house. Like he did something..... Anyway, he went crawling back like always, using Nathan as an excuse (isn't that how all violent relationships happen?). We all saw this coming. At least my family did. I guess this is par for the course for Beth's family cause they don't seem upset by it at all. So last week Angie (my sister) calls me to tell me that Nathan is in Riley's hospital and Brad and Beth are in jail. She went through all his horrible injuries and tells me they suspect Brittle Bone disease. What was so bad about that is that I was struggling with whether to hope he had Brittle Bone or not. I mean, if you think about it, if he had that then that would totally explain everything, but if he didn't then that would mean that some evil, horrible person did this to him. After the tests came back they determined that he did NOT have that disease. I'm disgusted by it all. It makes me want to throw up. That poor, helpless little boy. I want him to come and live with me so bad so I can just love him and be gentle with him and smile at him and make him laugh and feel warm and secure. I want him not to hear screaming all the time and not be jerked around and not wondering whether he would ever be fed again and not shiver from the cold. I want none of that for him. I can't make the lump in my throat go down. I feel like I swallowed a big ball of cotton. I can't do anything from here. I don't have the money to go there. I feel like I'm just making excuses and I should just go. I know that I couldn't keep him here though because my stupid brother and his stupid girlfriend are ENTITLED to visitation and the chance to get him back. For the time being, Nathan is in foster care because he had to have surgery and has to stay with a medically certified family until he is stable. Oh but wait, it gets even worse. My sister, Angie, is a state licensed Clinical Social Worker. She loves children, is wonderful with children, but has never been able to have children of her own. She has helped hundreds of families and stepped up to the plate when all this went down with poor little Nathan. She went to court and met with the caseworkers so that she could keep him until Brad and Beth were deemed "rehabilitated," whatever that means. Know what they said???? Angie's work schedule would not work out with his needs and so they're gonna place him with Beth's crazy ass aunt. What purpose do they really think that's gonna serve??? Beth will be there everyday!!!! Hell, her mom just lives right next door. SHE'LL BE THERE ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME!!!!! Angie told them that she would take a few weeks off work to get settled with the baby and to find an appropriate day care for him for when she went back to work. I'm so pissed because none of it makes any sense! I keep asking myself how they could pass over Angie for Beth's aunt??? Don't tell me to trust the system and it'll all work out. I used to work for CPS in Indiana before my husband enlisted. I have seen the system from the inside. It's all just a big mess. It's a big mess. Don't talk to me about funding and all of those things, I'm sick to death of hearing excuses like that. So now here I am, not able to help my nephew, not able to give him hope for his future. I told my sister that we've lost this little boy to Beth's family. Brad is totally brain washed by this crazy idiot and her family. Nathan is doomed to grow up askin', "When's Uncle Joey gettin' out?" He is destined to grow up and repeat the mistakes of his family.

Dear God, please help my nephew. Please help him rise above his unfortunate circumstances. Please encourage Brad and Beth to make a miraculous turnaround. Help them to love their children. Help them WANT to love their children. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.


Damama T said...

OH HONEY! I AM SOOOOO SORRY! Where is that happening? State-wise? I'm with you - HOW COULD THEY NOT GIVE HIM TO YOUR SISTER??? That's all so unreal! You, and especially Nathan will be in my prayers. Plus, I'm passing his name on to a lot of others who will pray, too.

With your permission, I'd like to add a quick emergency prayer request to my blog. God can work miracles. Especially if he's got enough people nagging at him to do so!

Please let me know. xoxo

Susan said...

They live in Kentucky. Yes, please pass his name along for prayers. Thank you.

Damama T said...

Prayer request is up, and I've already gotten one comment back on it. I also passed the info along to some praying friends. I wish there was more I could do!

There may, however, be more your sister can do. If she hasn't already done so, she can escalate the issue to the head of the local children's protective agency. She'll need to gather up evidence that this mother will have access to the child and present it. If that doesn't work, don't be afraid to call the media, the governor, the state representative and congressman. The last thing CPS groups want is negative publicity and getting the media involved could be very painful for them if things went south with Nathan's future care.

Anyway. Good luck to your whole family. xoxoxo

Grace said...

Hi, I found your info from DaMama, and wanted to let you know that we are praying for him. I am a foster Parent, and It is so sad to hear of cases like this. The Little boy I have now, was a "drug baby" he just turned 4 and has not seen his mother in over 2 monthes, and should be up for adoption in March. So, I suppose, sometimes, the system works, but when it doesn't it lets down the people that need it the most.