Here I Am

Okay, I'm sorry. Sorry for not reporting in and letting my throngs of fans know that all is fine. All is well and good. Well, it's not like fairytale perfect, I'm still not rich, I still haven't finished my degree and I'm still changing poopy diapers and dealing with a non-talking, screaming and all too cute toddler, but other than all that (except the cute part) I'm fabulous.
Nick deployed on June 17 and it surprisingly went very well. My boys were more upset than they've ever been at his leaving, but they're older and understand more about it. The good part is now that he's in aviation he doesn't have to leave the FOB (forward operations base) while he's there. So no more combat scares for me and no more kicking in doors for him. I was pretty relaxed the day he left. I didn't get upset until the next day when I was putting away some of his leftover laundry and I opened his drawer to find it completely empty. That's when it hit me. I didn't cry or sob uncontrollably, I just sat and stared at the empty drawer for a bit - it took my breath away. I quickly proceeded to rearrange the drawers so that none of them were empty. Why waste the space, right? So now my clothes have more room to breathe and I won't have to shove them all down to get them shut for the next 15 months. I look forward to the day, however, when they are spilling over again. This deployment is going to be different for sure. I kind of hope I get all stressed out at some point because that always brings on weight loss, but so far I've been pretty calm with things.
Anyhow, I've gotta lay Olivia down for a nap before it gets too late. Sorry for the lapse in communication and I promise to be better. Hugs, kisses and good, smelly flowers for you all.

Army Kids - Unsung Heroes

What is this place? What is this land? I am here because I love him. I follow because I was led. And now I am here....alone. Now, I live here, I exist here, I survive here because I am waiting.....for him. How long do we keep waiting? Forever? For awhile? Some don't even last awhile before they find a new "him".

You know, I sat on my front porch tonight and realized that I couldn't even feel "at home" with the cricket that was singing from one of my plants out front. How long does it take to be home? I can do this for as long as I need to, I suppose. Do my kids feel secure? Is this their home? Do they have the same questions? Why would I move them from town to town, neighborhood to neighborhood and block to block? I hold on to their childhood possessions from place to place so I can make each new bedroom look like the last in some far fetched effort to provide them with a sense of stability.

When I grew up I had the same best friend from elementary school through high school. We learned to still love each other even when we hated each other. When I did something that I knew would hurt her, I told her and apologized and we worked it out. Will they have that ability? When we moved in here my oldest met his new best friend and then six months later he moved away. His current friends are set to PCS (move) this summer. What then? He has to start all over with a new set of kids. He is forever "proving" himself of being worthy of friendship. How exhausting that must be. I wouldn't blame him for giving up and being tired of trying - I won't let him do that, but, like I said, I wouldn't blame him.

I want to see the Army Wives show that documents that part of this life. The part where you watch your kids wave good-bye to their best friends over and over again. Many kids go through that once.....once. These kids go through that at least once a year. I'm just mad right now - don't take it personal.

Pancakes for Dinner

Last night Andrew, my eight year old, marched in and announced that he knew he missed dinner, but he had dinner at his friend Evan's house. The following conversation is short and almost verbatim. Any differences between the following and the actual conversation are purely because of my bad memory due to extensive drug use in my college years. Hmmmm, I wonder if you can get disability due to marijuana induced memory loss. Anyhow......

Andrew: Mom! I don't need to eat dinner because I ate at Evan's!!

Me: That's fine. What did you have to eat tonight?

Andrew: (giggling) Pancakes and waffles......(still giggling)

Me: (in my best shocked voice) Pancakes and waffles for dinner???!!!

Andrew: (holding his gut at this point) THEY MADE ME!!!

Me: (still shocked) They made you? Well, are you okay?

Andrew: (now very serious) Yes, but they made us put healthy stuff on top.

Me: Oh yea? Like what?

Andrew: (practically spitting) SYRUP AND BUTTER!!

::::::::::then Andrew added in the next little blip::::::::::::::

Andrew: Evan's mom also made us use manners tonight.

Me: You mean like ours?

Andrew: Yes, I told Evan's mom that we had manners and she said that we had to do manners at her house tonight, so we had to keep our shoulders off the table.

Me: Your shoulders?

Andrew: Yup. Well, can I have dessert now? I didn't get any at Evan's.

Me: Sure. Go help yourself.

::::::And he did::::::::::


God bless that child

I've lost my mojo

I've come to the conclusion that I'm much better at reading and commenting on other people's blogs than I am at maintaining my own. Maybe I'll be better at this after Nick is gone, but I just can't think of stuff to write very often. Sometimes I think of a really good subject, but then I realize how much work would have to go into writing it. LOL. Wow, I'm lazy. So I really feel bad for those who have tagged me like forever ago and not responding so next week's goal is to fulfill my end of the tagging and "be it."