Thursday, July 31, 2008

Here I Am

Okay, I'm sorry. Sorry for not reporting in and letting my throngs of fans know that all is fine. All is well and good. Well, it's not like fairytale perfect, I'm still not rich, I still haven't finished my degree and I'm still changing poopy diapers and dealing with a non-talking, screaming and all too cute toddler, but other than all that (except the cute part) I'm fabulous.
Nick deployed on June 17 and it surprisingly went very well. My boys were more upset than they've ever been at his leaving, but they're older and understand more about it. The good part is now that he's in aviation he doesn't have to leave the FOB (forward operations base) while he's there. So no more combat scares for me and no more kicking in doors for him. I was pretty relaxed the day he left. I didn't get upset until the next day when I was putting away some of his leftover laundry and I opened his drawer to find it completely empty. That's when it hit me. I didn't cry or sob uncontrollably, I just sat and stared at the empty drawer for a bit - it took my breath away. I quickly proceeded to rearrange the drawers so that none of them were empty. Why waste the space, right? So now my clothes have more room to breathe and I won't have to shove them all down to get them shut for the next 15 months. I look forward to the day, however, when they are spilling over again. This deployment is going to be different for sure. I kind of hope I get all stressed out at some point because that always brings on weight loss, but so far I've been pretty calm with things.
Anyhow, I've gotta lay Olivia down for a nap before it gets too late. Sorry for the lapse in communication and I promise to be better. Hugs, kisses and good, smelly flowers for you all.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Army Kids - Unsung Heroes

What is this place? What is this land? I am here because I love him. I follow because I was led. And now I am here....alone. Now, I live here, I exist here, I survive here because I am waiting.....for him. How long do we keep waiting? Forever? For awhile? Some don't even last awhile before they find a new "him".

You know, I sat on my front porch tonight and realized that I couldn't even feel "at home" with the cricket that was singing from one of my plants out front. How long does it take to be home? I can do this for as long as I need to, I suppose. Do my kids feel secure? Is this their home? Do they have the same questions? Why would I move them from town to town, neighborhood to neighborhood and block to block? I hold on to their childhood possessions from place to place so I can make each new bedroom look like the last in some far fetched effort to provide them with a sense of stability.

When I grew up I had the same best friend from elementary school through high school. We learned to still love each other even when we hated each other. When I did something that I knew would hurt her, I told her and apologized and we worked it out. Will they have that ability? When we moved in here my oldest met his new best friend and then six months later he moved away. His current friends are set to PCS (move) this summer. What then? He has to start all over with a new set of kids. He is forever "proving" himself of being worthy of friendship. How exhausting that must be. I wouldn't blame him for giving up and being tired of trying - I won't let him do that, but, like I said, I wouldn't blame him.

I want to see the Army Wives show that documents that part of this life. The part where you watch your kids wave good-bye to their best friends over and over again. Many kids go through that once.....once. These kids go through that at least once a year. I'm just mad right now - don't take it personal.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Pancakes for Dinner

Last night Andrew, my eight year old, marched in and announced that he knew he missed dinner, but he had dinner at his friend Evan's house. The following conversation is short and almost verbatim. Any differences between the following and the actual conversation are purely because of my bad memory due to extensive drug use in my college years. Hmmmm, I wonder if you can get disability due to marijuana induced memory loss. Anyhow......

Andrew: Mom! I don't need to eat dinner because I ate at Evan's!!

Me: That's fine. What did you have to eat tonight?

Andrew: (giggling) Pancakes and waffles......(still giggling)

Me: (in my best shocked voice) Pancakes and waffles for dinner???!!!

Andrew: (holding his gut at this point) THEY MADE ME!!!

Me: (still shocked) They made you? Well, are you okay?

Andrew: (now very serious) Yes, but they made us put healthy stuff on top.

Me: Oh yea? Like what?

Andrew: (practically spitting) SYRUP AND BUTTER!!

::::::::::then Andrew added in the next little blip::::::::::::::

Andrew: Evan's mom also made us use manners tonight.

Me: You mean like ours?

Andrew: Yes, I told Evan's mom that we had manners and she said that we had to do manners at her house tonight, so we had to keep our shoulders off the table.

Me: Your shoulders?

Andrew: Yup. Well, can I have dessert now? I didn't get any at Evan's.

Me: Sure. Go help yourself.

::::::And he did::::::::::

God bless that child

Friday, April 11, 2008

I've lost my mojo

I've come to the conclusion that I'm much better at reading and commenting on other people's blogs than I am at maintaining my own. Maybe I'll be better at this after Nick is gone, but I just can't think of stuff to write very often. Sometimes I think of a really good subject, but then I realize how much work would have to go into writing it. LOL. Wow, I'm lazy. So I really feel bad for those who have tagged me like forever ago and not responding so next week's goal is to fulfill my end of the tagging and "be it."

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

It's a Bloggy Blog World

I've spent the last few days in the hospital and don't really feel like posting so today I'm just sharing some jokes that I found on

No worries though, everything is fine. I, like my father, grandfather, uncles and a sister inherited some "crappy, sucky, heart" genes. All is well, but I now have the great honor of carrying around Nitro and Baby Aspirin everywhere I may roam. So with that said, bring on the funny!


An Old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son:

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you, Vinnie

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.

At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned.
Added to it was this cryptic message, 'Genesis 3:10.'

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.'

Genesis 3:10 reads, 'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.'

Little Billy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send Billy a $5.00 bill.
President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
Billy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:
Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.

Actual Instruction Labels...

Warning keep out of children.
Do not use while sleeping.
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
Directions: Use like regular soap.
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
Fits one head.
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
Product will be hot after heating.
Do not iron clothes on body.
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
Warning: may cause drowsiness.

For indoor or outdoor use only.
Not to be used for the other use.
Warning: contains nuts.
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

Okay that's all for now, but there are lots on the site!!

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Andrew's Birthday

Today we had Andrew's 8th birthday party. There were supposed to be 7 kids in all, including Andrew and Sam, but since no one knows how to RSVP anymore these days I had no idea who was coming. I planned for 8 to be on the safe side. As it turned out, the three who didn't RSVP didn't show, so I guess they did what they were supposed to do. I know that one of them was out of town, but the other two were home and just didn't come. I always worry that the parents feel like they HAVE to send a gift with their kiddo. We always request their "presence" not their "presents", but I still feel that probably comes into play.

Either way, we had a great day. Andrew is all into pirates so I went all out with the pirate gear at the party store. I even got one of those stand up, stick your head through the hole thingies for taking pictures.

I took pics of the three who came and emailed them to their parents. I thought they'd enjoy that. When everyone first got here though we had a massive treasure hunt for the kids' goodie bags. Yesterday I ran around the house snapping pics of good hiding places and then printed them out and cut each picture into fours. I took each one and put it in a ziploc and then hid it. Each puzzle/picture was the location of their next clue. I had separated the kids into two teams and I told them that the first team to get back to me with their bags got to choose a prize from the treasure chest first. I got a few pirate odds and ends (swords, hooks, pirate jewelry) to put in the chest. It was a riot watching them scurry from clue to clue, but it really didn't last as long as I wanted it to. Next time I'm gonna use clues further from the house, maybe different spots around the neighborhood so they'll be at it longer. They had so much fun! They all got to choose from the prizes in the end so it was mostly just fun. After that we played "pin the flag on the 'X'", which is the pirate variation of the donkey game we all know and love. The pirate cup you see in the above picture was the prize for that one, but when I was telling the kids about the prize I referred to the cup (in my best pirate voice) as the "highly coveted pirate chalice." At the end of the day when the little boy who won was leaving he yelled, "Wait a minute so I can get my coveted chalice!" I was tickled to say the least.

Andrew made out like a bandit this year on gifts. He was very happy and played intently with all of his pirate things for the rest of the day. I, of course, had to remove the pirate decorations from the dining room and promptly transport them to Andrew's bedroom per his request. So now there are 'Beware of Pirates' and 'Landlubbers Keep Out' plastered all over, but as long as he keeps order in that shipwreck of a room I will gladly sustain from making him walk the plank! Oh Lord, forgive me for my cheesy humor this evening. I know not what I say!! All in all we had a lot of fun. Oh and if anyone in my Fort Hood area needs to borrow pirate gear just let me know!!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Our weekend away

Well we're back from San Antonio! Yes, I know I didn't tell anyone I was leaving, but that's just me. When I was in college I used to just leave for the weekend without ever telling my roomies anything about it. It was really about what I felt like doing. I realized how inconsiderate it was when I came back from a weekend away to find them on the verge of filing a missing persons report because I hadn't gone home to my family. I would usually just go to Mom's house and they could call me there to see if that was, in fact, where I was, but the one weekend I had gone to stay with old friends and they were scared shitless that I was dead somewhere. I apologized and laughed a lot and they explained the need for me to let them know when I'm going somewhere. I told them that that probably wouldn't happen because back then I pretty much lived by the seat of my pants, but I would consider leaving a note.

Anyway, we had a great time this past weekend. We stayed at an RV Resort called Blazing Star in one of their cabins. There were seven of us altogether - Nick's parents and then us five. I'm not going to review our cabin on here, but I'll just say that it was nice, but I've stayed in better for cheaper. The best part, though, was the RV park itself. We brought the boys' scooters and there was a pool and an arcade and a ping pong table!! They made friends over the weekend and never complained even one time about wanting to play Xbox! It was awesome. Sam, who is usually my biggest gaming whiner, said he wants to go there for every single vacation EVER. I was so happy to see them have fun. We also went to Sea world on our Salute to the Heroes pass, but that was kinda miserable - thank God it was free. The water park part of it wasn't open yet this season so that was really the main reason Sea World didn't rock so much. Now, the shows were awesome - even Olivia (18 months old) sat through them and watched attentively, but she didn't wanna ride in the stroller and would only let me hold her. It was really hot Saturday and I was just beat down by the time we left. Nevermind the fact that it was also supposed to be mine and Nick's night out without the kids so after Sea World we went back to the resort and got all cleaned up. We were going to have dinner and maybe a drinkie poo on the Riverwalk and I was stupid enough to wear heels. Who the hell knows what I was thinking other than I had a date and heels were required. When we got downtown we discovered a St. Patty's Day celebration underway. The entire riverwalk and Alamo Dr. were all decorated, there were bands playing everywhere, fire eaters, light shows, glass blower, you name it and it was there....oh and there was beer.......lots and lots of beer. I'm not a beer drinker, but I got one and halfway through I just gave it to Nick cause me no likey. Dinner was awesome. We went to a place called Landry's and I had the stuffed flounder - mmmmmmmmmmmm. Nick had the steak and lobster. His lobster was flippin' awesome but I made him send the steak back because it was like rubber!! I've seen the movie "Waiting" and I pray they did nothing to his new steak, but hell, it was $37.00 a plate - you'd send it back too if it wasn't perfect. His new steak was alright, but just not as good as it should have been. We ended up home by 10:45, which is very late for us these days so I was happy with a day well done.

Ok, I gotta go get my hair done now - yippee!!!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Update on Nathan

For those of you who may not know who Nathan is, here's the original story: How Does This Happen?

Okay, so Nathan is finally out of his body cast and is still in foster care. Family Services wanted him in foster care until they could complete their entire investigation so for the past month and a half he has been bonding with strangers. I'm not mad that he's there - I just wish he could have been with me instead. In the meantime my brother and his stupid girlfriend are up their old tricks. Brad found out Beth has been cheating on him so they broke up for like 4 days. I guess that's all it takes to regain trust in someone. Both of them are supposed to be paying child support, but Brad is the only one working while Beth runs around as she pleases in Brad's car. She won't "let" him take the car anywhere. She makes all the decisions while Brad just puts his head between his knees and takes it. During their little break he called me because we hadn't talked since last summer and he really convinced me that he was done with all the craziness. Unfortunately, Beth has turned up pregnant again and so she's used that to lure him back in. Not to mention, his uncontrollable need to "be with" someone.

Anyway, my sister was FINALLY approved as the ONLY person who could take Nathan. DFCS realized that they did not know who it was that actually hurt him. Angie and her husband were the only ones who had never kept him for any extended period which meant that they were the only people who obviously did not do it. My mom was stupid enough to let Brad convince her to lie to DFCS about where the incident happened. She told them that Nathan was hurt at her house because Brad and Beth were worried that Section 8 would find out he was living at her house and Beth would lose her housing benefits. I yelled lots and lots at Mom for doing this because it was a stupid lie to begin with. They weren't even comparing apples to apples, but when you pile lie upon lie upon lie you become paranoid of everything, so now Mom isn't allowed to be around her own grandson. I told her. I told her. I told her. I even told her to call and tell them that they were lying but she wouldn't. So I dropped it. So this morning they all went to court so that Nathan could be placed with Angie and Jim. Know what happened??? Beth got mad because she doesn't like Angie (because Angie and Jim don't do drugs, drink or go to prison, u know) and her and Brad's attorney requested that Nathan STAY in foster care. The judge plainly looked at Brad and Beth and said, "Okay, let me explain. If Nathan stays in foster care, we will proceed with termination hearings in 15 months. BUT if he stays in family care that time clock stops and you have no worry of actually losing custody of your son. Also remember that the longer he stays in foster care, the stronger the bond he will develop with that family." And how do you think Brad and Beth responded? "We understand and would still like for him to stay in foster care." The judge nodded and set another placement hearing for two weeks from today. My sister and her husband were just dumbfounded. I would have cried, but Angie is much stronger than me. Brad and Beth are just plain evil. Maybe I shouldn't judge. Nope. Evil. Angie didn't say anything in court because she's expecting that Beth is going to try and start trouble during this two week interval so that she can point and say, "See, this is why they shouldn't have the baby." It ultimately boils down to the bottom line: is the court going to continue to pay for foster care when they could place him with family for free? I don't think so. I am literally so mad at my brother that I just laughed when Angie called this morning. The whole thing has become ridiculous. Beth is obviously unstable and Brad is obviously unwilling to leave her. It is my opinion that the court should just proceed with termination and either let me or Angie have him. Do I really need child #4? Nope. Does that really matter? Nope. Will I love him with all my heart and soul? Yep. They just need to do something before his "attachment meter" is all screwed up and he ends up with some serious, serious psychological issues from his parents being idiots.

Saturday, March 8, 2008


OK, so not so much "yay for surgery" on my mind today. I guess I forgot my stomach's intolerance for pain medication of any kind, save for Aleve. GRRR....I've spent all of my resting time leaning over the toilet. It doesn't matter what I do to try and avoid the nausea. Yes, I ate before I took the Percocet, but it didn't help any. Guess I'm gonna have to stop taking that and just stick to the Ibuprofen. I thoroughly enjoy being able to fall asleep in the middle of the day though. That's the best part of it. My routine is 1) eat 2) take medicine 3) vomit 4) pass out. The passing out part if my Well, that's all I can force myself to type today. Maybe more tomorrow. Night, night!

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Yay For Surgery!!!

In January I posted about meeting my new doctor. The post is called What's Up Doc?
Anyway, I wrote about pain in my side that I attributed to my gallbladder. My TSH and everything else was fine, but after the doc ordered an ultrasound and we waited for that to come back we discovered that it needed to come out. All was well when my civilian doc told me that he was sending me to the civilian hospital for my surgery. BUT two weeks later I received notice from my insurance that I did, in fact, have to go to the Army hospital on post for the procedure. I was so mad. I've have three surgeries at military facilities and they just don't stack up against the civilian hospitals. Either way, that is the hand I was dealt for this procedure as well.

So, I get a call from the hospital and they scheduled me for my consult for my surgery.....A MONTH AWAY!! I couldn't believe I was going to have to deal with the pain for another whole month. Did they give me any pain killers to tide me over till then? Nope. Did the offer suggestions for pain management? Nope. Just deal with it till then. So for the past month I have lived on Aleve and a shot of Jim Beam mixed in a Diet Coke just before bedtime so I could at least sleep through some of the discomfort. Let me clarify, the pain is not gut wrenching. It's more like a constant pressure on your ribs and aching in your back ALL THE TIME!!! I compared it often to my husband to that of being 9 months pregnant with a foot stuck in your ribs all the time.

Finally the time is here!!! I went to my consult Monday and explained to the doctor that he needed to "get this damn thing outta me TODAY!!!" Miraculously he asked if Friday would work. I was floored, but I couldn't be happier. Having surgery at this hospital is like having a job though. Here's been my week: Monday - consult, Tuesday - paperwork, Wednesday, pre-op appt., Thursday - call Same Day Surgery to find out what time to be there, Friday - D-Day!!! Needless to say, it's been a crazy week. Nevermind the fact that today I also have a doctor's appt. for my son and two parent-teacher conferences to go to. I don't care though cause tomorrow I will be in Lala Land for at least 8 hours. My mom asked what I had to be excited about aside from the relief from the constant pain. I very plainly explained to her that I like having surgery because it gives me a valid excuse to do very strong drugs with permission from a doctor. YAYYYYYY!!!! I'm not a pill head, people. I haven't done drugs (oh lord, this sounds bad) in over ten years. When I say drugs, I mean the experimental stuff that many, many people do in college and the like. Anyway, I gotta go get my kid for his appt, but everyone all at once yell, "YAY FOR DRUGS....I mean SURGERY!!!"

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Child molested in local daycare

I am copying and pasting the story to make sure that no one overlooks the link. For my mommies in our local area - BEWARE!!!!

Little Blessings daycare on 10th st, suspected molestation of a 4month old lil girl.

(February 25, 2008)—Killeen police were investigating Monday after doctors determined that a 4-month-old girl had bruising consistent with a sexual assault that may have occurred at a local daycare.
The bruising was discovered after doctors at Carl R. Darnall Army Medical Center examined the infant last Wednesday evening, police said.
The girl’s mother took the infant to Darnall after picking her up from Little Blessings Daycare at 803 N. 10th St. and asked doctors to check for “unusual bruising,” police said Monday in a press release.
Officers were dispatched to the medical center around 9:45 p.m. Wednesday.
“The detective working this case has identified an employee of the daycare as a suspect in this case; there has not been an arrest as this case continues to be investigated,” police said in the press release.
Police asked anyone with information to contact either Killeen police at (254) 501-8807 or Killeen Crime Stoppers at (254) 526-TIPS.

God help this individual should they be discovered.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Find me a theme song

Everyone remembers the theme song from Annie, right?

"The sun'll come out....tomorrow!! Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun."

I have sung that song to myself probably my entire life and I just came to realize that that is MY theme song too!!! I sang that song for our sixth grade graduation. Oh my gosh I was so scared, but I stood there and belted it out and desperately waited for fruit or applause. I didn't know which would come, but luckily everyone clapped. They just thought it was cute - lol- the only time I sing now is if I'm more than slightly inebriated or in the car. I used to watch the show Ally McBeal religiously. I started watching my junior year of college and was a devoted fan up til the very end of the show. It was hilarious!!! I loved how when she became self-conscious of a certain part of her body, it would grow giant. Like, when she felt sexy her lips would get HUGE!! Anyhow, her therapist (the wonderful Tracey Ullman) told her she needed a theme song that she could sing in her head to give her confidence. It was hilarious cause she'd strut down the street with "Tell Him" by The Exciters playing in her head. I think I need to get a new theme song. Tomorrow is full of hope and all and it's great when I'm pissy, but it doesn't have much of the "pick me up" vibe to it. It's more like "shut up and do what you gotta do today and just wait for tomorrow to come" kind of vibe. I don't know....any suggestions?

My title, by the way, is a clickable link that will take you to an Ally McBeal devotee.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Just some military jokes

I haven't posted in awhile and have generally been unmotivated to do so, so I thought I'd share some military humor with everyone. If there is any military lingo translation needed, just leave a comment and I shall decipher for you.

Best Comeback Ever

This has got to be the all-time classic comeback. This is a recount of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who's about to sponsor a boy scout troop visiting his military installation. (Note: While this has been presented as a "true story" for several years, it is, in fact, pure fiction. In short, this incident never happened).

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?"

GENERAL REINWALD: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"

GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range."

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"

GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they ever touch a firearm."

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."

GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

Moms Know Best

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son had an announcement to make: He'd just signed up at an Army recruiter's office.

There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation.

"Oh, come on, quit pulling our legs," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?"

"I'm positive you'd never get through basic training," scoffed another.

The new recruit looked to his mother for help; but she was just gazing at him.

When she finally spoke, it was to voice a single question: "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"


Officer VS NCO Observations

The Company Commander and the First Sergeant were in the field. As they hit the sack for the night, the First Sergeant said, "Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"

The CO said, "I see millions of stars."

1st Sgt.: "And what does that tell you, sir?"

CO: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Top?"

1st Sgt.: "Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent."

Rejected US Army Slogans

"Kill All That You Can Kill"

"Shower With Men"

"Knock Up Foreign Broads"

"All The Grits You Can Eat"

"Be A Flame Thrower, Not A Flame Broiler"

"Purple Hearts = Free Beers At Hooters"

"Whimsical And Human, Just Like M*A*S*H"

"Cubicles Are For Wusses"

"Napalm Means Serious BBQ"

"Over 1,000,000 Sheared, Beaten, And Worked Into A Sub-Human Fury!"

"Totally Beefcake and Proud of It"

"Beat Up Sailors"

"We Won't Screw Your Mind Up As Bad As The Marines Will"

"Kicking Nazi Tail Since 1942"

"Don''t Ask, Don''t Tell, Don''t Accessorize"

"Risk Your Life for Freedoms No One Appreciates!"

"Play Doom? For Real!"

"Sure Beats Lurnin''''!"

"Because Terminators Are Real"


Voice Mail

Thank you for calling the United States Army. I'm sorry, but all of our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your country, name of organization, the region, the specific crisis, and a number at which we can call you. As soon as we have sorted out the Balkans, Iraq, Korea, China, the Y2K Bug, marching up and down the streets of Washington, DC, and compulsory "Consideration Of Others" training, we will return your call.

Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to the following numbers:

If your crisis is small, and close to the sea, press 1 for the United States Marine Corps.

If your concern is distant, with a temperate climate and good hotels, and can be solved by one or two low risk, high altitude bombing runs, please press 2 for the United States Air Force. Please note this service is not available after 1630 hours, or on weekends. Special consideration will be given to customers requiring satellite or stealth technology who can provide additional research and development funding.

If your inquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a bit of gray funnel, bunting, flags and a really good marching band, please write, well in advance, to the United States Navy. Please note that Tomahawk missile service is extremely limited and will be provided on a first-come, first-served basis.

If your inquiry is not urgent, please press 3 for the Rapid Deployment Force.

If you are in real hot trouble, please press 4, and your call will be routed to the United States Army Special Operations Command. Please note that a compulsory credit check will be required to ensure you can afford the inherent TDY costs. Also be aware that USASOC may bill your account at any time and is not required to tell you why, as it will be classified.

If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to be shouted at, paid little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family in a condemned hut miles from civilization, are prepared to work your ass off daily, risking your life, in all weather and terrain, both day and night, and whilst watching Congress erode your original benefits package, then please stay on the line. Your call will shortly be connected to a bitter passed-over Army Recruiter in an old strip mall down by the Post Office.

Have a pleasant day, and thank you again for trying to contact the United States Army.

The last one was my favorite. Just so no one gets mad at me, I need to clarify that I copy/pasted these jokes from from their military humor section. I don't know if individuals submit the jokes or if Mr. Rod Powers (About's military journalist) acquires them somehow, but either way that is where I got them.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

the N word

Again, another one where you have to click the title to get to the story.
This very issue pisses me off beyond belief. I don't understand why so much controversy revolves around this one word. I mean, yea, I get why it's a "bad word" and all, but why did black people pick this word to be the one that is precious and adopt it as a part of their everyday language. I know that not all black people use it. I know most are offended by its use, but I have never seen a black person go up to a group of black people using that word and ask them to stop. Here's my main gripe, my nine-year-old son has black friends. There are black teenagers and kids and even adults up and down our street who use that word....loudly. What's gonna happen when my son uses that word because he doesn't know that he's "not supposed to"? Well, here's what will happen: those people will assume that he comes from a racist family and assume that WE taught him that word. NOTHING could be further from the truth. We NEVER EVER use that word!! I even jumped my father-in-law's butt for using that word around my kids because it is offensive TO ME and just ignorant and I don't want that word to be a part of my children's vocabulary!! My father-in-law is 64 and I don't care that he says he's "from a different time." It's time he learned that it's not okay!! The truth of the matter is that if my son walked up to a group of black people and used that word, it would be because he heard black people saying it....loudly!!!! GRRR! Yes, I have already talked to him about it and I have also talked to his friends (black and white) and informed them that that language (just like any other bad word) is not allowed in my house. But still, it pisses me off to know that in the event that he did use that word people would naturally assume that he learned it from us, and what's worse is that they may take it out on him when it's really THEIR FAULT FOR TEACHING IT TO HIM! Be sure to read the news story that I linked to my title.

I am so sad

This is horrible. I guess I'm hormonal this morning. Not that it isn't sad, I just keep crying over it is all I mean by the hormonal comment. Pray for these families - what a tragedy. You have to click on this posts title to get to the story.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Awww, sweet nostalgia....

You're a 90's kid if:

You remember watching:
-Ren & Stimpy
-Pinky and the Brain
-AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
-Rockos modern Life.
-Beavis and Butthead

You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"

You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiin west Philadelphia born and raised . . ."

You remember:
-Step by Step
-Family Matters
-Boy Meets World

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early
on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

You remember reading "Goosebumps"

You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not

When everything was settled by:
-rock paper scissors or
-bubble gum bubble gum in a dish or
-ms. mary mack

when kick ball was a daily activity.

when we used to obey our parents

You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time on a tape.

You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.

You remember The Original Game Boy.

You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.

You remember watching:
-The Magic School Bus
-Reading Rainbow
-and Ghostwriter on PBS

You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads and Splashers Gum.

You remember watching:
-the 1st Batman
-Ninja Turtles
-ghost busters

You remember Ring Pops.

If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"

You remember boom boxes .vs. cd players.

Making those little paper fortune cookie things, and then predicting your life with them.

You played and/or collected "Pogs" :)

You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.

one word. . . . . . . .trolls.

Windows 95 was the best.

You watched the original cartoons of
-Wild Thornberry's
-Power Rangers
-Rocket Power.

All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.

You collected those Beanie Babies.


Lambchop's song never ended.

Silver dollars, which were cool to have.

Everyone watched the WB.

If you even know what an original walkman is.

You know the Macarena by heart.

"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said

You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.

You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.

Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before PlayStation3 or X-BOX 360 . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Before Tupac was shot.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.

When gas was $0.95 a gallon.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
You had slap bracelets!
You Actually played outside until it was dark!

Way back.

Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.

This was forwarded to me on my MySpace page so I can't take credit for creating it, but I can take credit for experiencing it. And for all the spelling/grammatical errors....not mine either!!

Friday, February 15, 2008

I want to move

We have got to get away. We, as a family, need to get off this post for a few days and take a mini-vacation.

Can I just say that I hate, hate, hate the way Fort Hood family housing is set up? In Georgia, the house we were in was a duplex, but the bedrooms were conveniently located at opposite ends of the building. That meant that our kitchens were opposite one another, but who cares about cooking noises? Why on Earth would any contractor think it's a good idea to put master bedrooms back to back in any housing....ESPECIALLY military housing. Not only do the soldiers have crazy hours and could be coming or going at any time of the night, but when R&R rolls around during deployments or when a couple has been separated for any length of time, it is pretty much a given that there will be frequent "intimate" encounters!! Some people don't care that the neighbors can hear them. I've got a neighbor two doors down, with whom I was discussing this very issue and she laughed and said, "Honey, if you're concentrating on being quiet, then you're concentrating on the WRONG thing!"
Ok, granted, she has a point, but I am VERY, VERY conservative. I still blush when talking about sex and things of the like. I still can't watch movies with sex scenes in them without blushing. Maybe that's why I like scary movies so much. When I was growing up, this was a topic that was avoided at all costs. It was actually detrimental to my personal development how uncomfortable my mother was when it came to these topics. For example, when I started my period I was 12 years old. I, honestly, thought that I had pooped my pants without knowing it. I know that's gross and I'm sorry, but I'm just trying to make a point here. So, in my naivety (sp?), I took off my underwear and carried them in to my mother and asked her if that was poop, cause I couldn't figure out how I could have done that without knowing. She looked at me with pure disgust and screamed at me to just throw those nasty things away and never said anything else about it. She was in one of her scary moods so I just did what she said. After that I called my best friend, she told her mom and her mom got on the phone with me and told me what seemed to have happened. I wonder, looking back, if all my friends' parents actually knew what hell my home life was like? So, the next day Shannon (my BFF back then) brought me all that I needed and showed me what to do in the bathroom. I often internally reference things that went on in my childhood so I do not repeat those same things with my kids.
Anyway, sex isn't even the reason for this post so I got off topic from the get go. The reason for this post is that Olivia was up crying ALL NIGHT last night. I just about lost my mind! Nick and I had a huge fight because we were both tired and neither one of us had the common sense to stop and say, "ok, we're tired, let's just work together." I knew I had to get up at 5AM to get the boys off to school and Nick had to be at work at 7AM and when 2 AM rolled around and she was still screaming we were just at our wits ends! Nick finally just put her in her bed around 3AM and just let her wail it out. I don't even know what the problem was! I knew early on that it was going to be a weird night because she didn't get much of a nap yesterday. Isn't that weird? When Olivia misses her nap, rather than falling asleep early and staying asleep all night, she falls asleep early and wakes up around 11PM ready to play. I think her little body interprets the early bedtime as her nap and then everything goes to hell. The reason I mentioned family housing earlier is that I am one of those rare individuals that actually cares that my neighbors get some sleep. Hell, they've got three kids too and they both work and I always feel awful when she is up crying all night. It wouldn't be so bad if her crying spells were few and far between, but she is the most difficult child I have ever been around when it comes to sleeping. She's up at least 3 nights a week. It's not always like last night, but she always wakes up somewhere between 2 and 4 in the morning and screams for at least 15-20 minutes before I can get her back to sleep. I just feel sorry for my neighbors, that's all. They always tell me that they don't hear her, but I know that isn't true because I can hear them sometimes when they're just talking in normal voices. I can't understand what they're saying, of course, but I can hear their murmurs. I don't know. I just hope this passes soon. On top of everything else, I know they can hear me and Nick arguing and that's totally embarrassing. Nick and I love each other and already this morning we have both apologized and talked about how we were just exhausted and said things we didn't mean, but the neighbors don't hear that part, they just hear the angry things. I just hate this part of housing....there's no privacy whatsoever. The other day I was raking my back yard and my dog kept barking and staring up at my other neighbor's upstairs windows. I have a very smart dog and she is very protective of us so I know that she was barking at the neighbor that I have that I call "the peeper." You know, the ones that never come outside, but live their lives through the blinds in their windows. I hate that. If she wants to be involved in what I'm doing in my yard, then by all means, grab a rake and come give me a hand. Maybe we could be friends. Instead, she just watches from the safety of her window. GRRR. Things like that lead only to problems because then they just make assumptions. For example (I've got lots of examples this post!), I've had pest control come out four times in the last month and a half for fire ants in my yard. Olivia plays a lot in the back yard and last week she sat down in a new mound that I hadn't noticed and her poor little hand was bitten/stung at least ten times. She had those little blisters all over so I called pest control for the fourth time. When he came (same guy every time) I laughed and told him not to come through the house to the back yard, but we needed to walk around from the front because people were gonna start rumors over as much as he's been here! It's crazy, right? Unfortunately, those are things you have to think about in military housing. Ok, I've totally lost my steam to write anymore and I've been all over the place....guess I need a nap - like that's actually gonna happen. I'll chat more later!!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Everyday Rodeo

OK, picture this. I'm sitting, holding out Olivia's shirt with the neck hole at exactly the right height for Olivia to just run right into it. Olivia looks at me, smiles, starts in with her little penguin trot....and then ducks right under/around the shirt I'm holding for her. Now she's at the other end of the room and I decide I'm gonna stand up and walk to her. There's that smile again, maybe a little giggle....and she's off again right under the shirt, between my legs, into the other room, wherever.
She's now 16 months old and still isnt' talking. Well, she says "daddy, da da, alkdfjjfoj" and so on, but she doesn't just call Nick "daddy", she calls everyone that, so I don't think it counts. She understands every single thing we say to her, and usually responds in her non-English babble. She follows instructions and often doesn't follow instructions (though I know she heard and understood HOOAH). She can do all things a normal 16 month old does, but cannot make words. I'm sure she's just a little behind, but her pediatrician wants to send her to a speech pathologist so that just means more running for me. If she needs it, sure it's not a big deal, but if she'll just catch up on her own, I'd rather not add more to my already hectic schedule. So, c'mon Olivia, at least say something for the doctor, eh? Hugs and Kisses, Mommy

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

My neighbor is a thief

I think my 12 year-old neighbor kid is stealing my son's stuff. Every time he is over, something comes up missing in the next day or two. For example, this past Sunday he needed to come over to use our internet for some practice tests for school. My husband had taken the boys fishing so the only people in the house were me, the boy and Olivia. I had been on the front porch while Olivia was napping talking to my sister on the phone for about 30 minutes. When I came back in I saw him coming down the steps. I was immediately suspicious because there was absolutely no reason for him to be upstairs and he has taken things from Sam before. He said he was using the bathroom. I told him there's a bathroom downstairs. As a matter of fact, you have to walk right past the bathroom to even get to the stairs. He then laughed nervously and said,"Oh yeah, I keep forgetting that!" We all live in military housing, so for those of you who don't know....every single house is exactly the same. He didn't forget. So I casually walk myself up the stairs and start looking around Sam's room to see if I notice anything missing. The first thing that caught my eye were his Tech Decks. They're these little skateboard things that he likes to collect. There were three sitting on top of his bookshelf, but I couldn't remember if there were supposed to be four or not. I just could not really tell so I left it alone....until this morning.

Now, it's been a crazy week and the weather has been all yucky so there has not been a single kid upstairs since Sunday. The last kid in the house that went upstairs was the neighbor boy. Sam called down to me this morning asking where his fourth Tech Deck was. I immediately stopped and I knew instantly where it was. I told Sam I wasn't sure and promised to help him look later, but quickly shooed him off to the bus. Now that he's gone I'm steaming mad. I don't even know what to do about it! I can't just all of the sudden forbid the boy from my house. I can't run over telling his mom that she's got a klepto on her hands - I have no proof!! If I were in that position, I would want proof. What mom is gonna look at her own kid's sweet face and not believe him when he says, "I swear, MOM, I didn't take anything!!" This boy is not a little one anymore - he's 12 - he needs something to fill a void that has surfaced. Their family is new to the Army and their father is looking at his first deployment in a month or two. The boy's grades have been suffering and he's been fighting with his parents. Now I have to figure out a way to tell them that I think he's been taking Sam's stuff too! Oh my God what do I do? I'm so mad I can hardly see straight. What's worse is that I've given them all the advice I can without sounding obnoxious and they just look at me like I'm crazy! She tells me he's not finishing his homework, I tell her to have him sit down and do it as soon as he gets home from school. Pretty obvious, I think, but she looked at me and said, "He's 12, I should not have to sit down and make him do his work." The way she said it told me that she was not receptive to my idea so I just dropped it.

They've got a lot of issues over there and I don't want to make it worse. The things that have gone missing are not that expensive, but it's the principle of the matter and I, honestly, do NOT want him in my house anymore. What do I do?

Tuesday, February 12, 2008


I got pregnant with my oldest when I was 20. I was in my junior year of college and had to drop out, move home and get a job. Chase (the donor) didn't want anything to do with me or the pregnancy. He was willing to give me the money to get an abortion, but I opted out, so to speak. I remember him asking me if I was "trying to ruin his life?" Yup, I guess that was some deep rooted goal I was trying to reach. If you look at his profile on a particular website today he mentions that he is his own hero because he has survived life thus far and he's done it "all by himself." Wow. Too bad he's never met his own son. Sam, my oldest, knows about Chase and is okay with things as they are. I have never, ever, ever said anything negative to Sam about Chase because I don't want to plant the seeds of resentment and anger in him. I simply told Sam that Chase and I agreed that I would do the better job of raising him because I was more mature and we decided together that that was how it should be since we could not be together. I know that's kind of confusing to a kid and Sam and I have had multiple conversations about it, but he seems okay and I never shut him down about it when he wants to talk. I usually tell him, too, that Nick (my husband), chose to be Sam's father. I have told Sam that Nick did not have to be his daddy everyday, but he WANTED to and LOVED Sam so much that he decided to be his daddy and my husband. Sam seems to be very receptive to that answer.

I'm just having kind of a BLAH day. I get in these moods from time to time and I always become resentful of Chase and I get angry that he actually believes that he has sacrificed and had to give up things because I got pregnant. When Sam turned 5 I finally took Chase to court for child support. I was so determined for so long that I did not need his help and that was actually the last thing I remember screaming at Chase when I told him I was pregnant. "I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! I'LL RAISE THIS BABY ON MY OWN!!" I was so determined to NOT ask him for money or help in any way, but it got to the point that I just had to. Not only that, but I was developing a very deep hatred for Chase (which, believe it or not,I do not wish to have) because he had gotten off "scot free." Honestly, (yes, I am this naive) I always EXPECTED that he would one day have a change of heart and WANT to see his son. Isn't that just stupid? I saw Sam everyday and I knew how much I loved him and I just couldn't imagine there not being a part of Chase that wouldn't be driven to at least meet his own child. So, anyway, while Chase is feeling sorry for himself he actually got to finish college and get his Master's degree. I, on the other hand, have yet to get my Bachelor's degree. I have gone back to school since having Sam, but I've also had two more kids. Those two, of course, have nothing to do with Chase (lol)...I blame my husband for them! I am totally joking, we're both to blame! Anyway, the point is that his life did not stop and mine took a big time "pause." Which brings me to the actual point of today's post.

When, tell me, please, does that slippery "someday" come? All of you who have kids or have adult kids, please, I need some positive feedback on things. I'm afraid that my Mom kept telling herself, "someday I'll do that, finish that, get to that," but her someday never came. Does it come? I'm sure things change. I mean, things you want to do become different with age, but do you ever get your own life back? Am I being selfish?

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Poor doggie!!!

This year for Christmas Olivia got one of those little Disney princess sofas that lays out to a little bed on the floor. She loved it and still does. She can move it to where she wants it and it's just her size. Unfortunately, our sweet Jack Russell Terrier, Hope, also loved it. She's one of those dogs that feels as though she's better than the floor and will lay on anything as long as it's not the floor. When we got our new living room set this year I was determined NOT to let her return to old habits and we've retrained her to stay off the furniture. So, Hope deemed Olivia's couch her bed regardless of whether Olivia was sitting there or not.

We finally decided to go and get Hope one of those cozy dog beds to see if it would work out. Before we never needed to because she was always on the couch, but after torturing her long enough with the floor and to be fair to Olivia we concluded that Hope needed her own. This is what happened:

Poor Hope, she just can't win.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Starting my diet.

Arrgh...I started the Atkins diet exactly one week ago today. I am technically still in what is called the "Induction" period, which basically means NO YUMMY STUFF AT ALL!!! I will admit that I have never lasted this long on any diet whatsoever, but it's a struggle everyday. My kids love sandwiches and every time I open the bread I get this wonderful whiff of what, to me, smells like fresh, hot baked bread. My husband, who is really the chef of the family, always does all our meat on the grill. I occasionally bake pork chops or chicken and I always do all the roasts, but he's the master of all things grilled. Saturday he put some steaks and shrimp on the grill and I would swear that that steak is the best I have ever had in my entire life!! He says I only said that because I'm dying for some variety, but I'm gonna keep building him up so he'll wanna do some more! I am just clueless when it comes to all the different good, natural foods that I'm allowed on this diet. I didn't grow up eating like he did. He grew up in the country surrounded by farmers of all different types. His mom cooked (and still does when she comes over or we go to her house) HUGE meals with a little bit of everything. Her father was a contractor and they always had workers coming and going so she learned to cook BIG. When I was growing up, we (my sibs and I) spent a lot of time on our own. Our mom worked many, many hours as well as our step-dad so our fridge was always stocked with easy foods like Hot Pockets, frozen burritos and all the junk food you can imagine. I don't ever remember there being much fruit in the house until I hit high school and got on a health food kick. Thus, that was the beginning of my never-ending struggle between the habits that came naturally to me and what my body told me I SHOULD be eating. Unfortunately, that led me down the road of starvation and excessive exercising and non-constructive criticism of my body. I spent many countless hours staring at myself in mirrors from every angle tearing myself apart. I've gotten to an age now that I can say to myself that I've got a really nice figure when I'm thin. That's actually a big step, but the problem is that I'm not thin now.
When my husband left for his fist deployment in 2005 I was pregnant with our third child. Two months later I was in the hospital by myself having a D&C because the baby had died at eight weeks in the womb. I discovered it when I was supposed to be 12 weeks along. So I carried that baby 4 weeks past it's demise. My husband couldn't get leave from Iraq to come home for the procedure so I relied on close friends in my military family to help me with my boys. It was hard, but that, unfortunately, is part of the military life. After the D&C I dropped 30 pounds within 2 months. I believe it was solely related to the loss of the baby and the loss of my husband (though temporary - it still feels like a loss) all at once. My neighbors invited me and my sons to have Easter dinner with them and their family after this weight loss had occurred and one of their friends told me how great I looked and asked how I had done it. I looked at her and plainly said, "I've lost a baby and my soul mate within three months time. Best diet ever." The whole room went quiet and all eyes were on me. I've never been so embarrassed in my entire life. I didn't mean to be rude and I should have just shrugged my shoulders and said playfully,"Stress, I guess." But that was honestly the first thing that fell out of my mouth. Either way, this initial weight loss inspired me to join a gym and try and lose more. When my husband returned from his year long deployment I was ecstatic that he didn't even recognize me!! I had lost a total of 60 pounds! I'll admit, I looked great. It felt great to occasionally turn head again and I could go out and run around with my kids again and not get so worn out that I had to quit early. But then I got pregnant again with Olivia. Thankfully, there were no problems with my pregnancy this time around, but I gained 30 pounds that I have yet to lose. This weight gain was totally different than my pregnancies with my boys in my early 20's. My belly accepted this weight gain in a totally different way and I now have what I call my "fanny pack," which totally went out of style in the 90's. I can't get it gone again and with Olivia's problems in her first few months of life (prematurity, food allergies, allergic colitis) I just never have had the time to get back in the gym again!!! So this is actually my first serious attempt since her birth at losing the weight. It's so hard to keep it up. I have to make two dinners everyday and then I have to salivate over what everyone else is eating while I eat my meat. Blah. I expected to lose some weight in my first week of Induction, but I've got one of those scales that changes depending on which direction you're leaning. You know, you put your weight on your heels and you automatically weigh 10 lbs. less, but lean forward and you get into numbers that make you wanna do jumping jacks right then and there. Ahhh, such is life. I guess I'll go get one of those fancy digital scales, but I'm gonna miss my "leaning back" numbers. Ok, so that's my dieting blurb for today, hope you've enjoyed and maybe you'll have some tips for me along my journey. I'll keep you posted on any weight loss/gain and whether I actually stick to it or not.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

How does this happen?

My nephew is 5 months old and just got out of the hospital with a broken pelvis, broken ribs, a broken arm and a broken hand. FIVE MONTHS OLD!! I'm so mad that I can't even express it anymore. It's like I'm so blown away by recent, ridiculous family events that I've grown numb. I guess I'll try to re-hash everything but it's such a big cluster that I'll be all over the place so bear with me. OK, a little history:

My brother is Brad. He's 24 years old and just moved out of Mom's house last year when he found out his girlfriend was pregnant. My mother is mentally ill. Brad is completely dependent on other people. He gets severely depressed when he doesn't have a girlfriend. I don't really think it would matter who it is as long as they cater to his "needy" lifestyle. Since Brad turned 18 he has stolen thousands of dollars from Mom and my step-dad. He's stolen checks and cash and taken objects to the pawn shop. He somehow feels entitled to all of these things cause he feels like he was denied "things" throughout his life. Brad has another daughter from a previous relationship who he has virtually nothing to do with, including paying his child support. My mom recently started paying his child support for him to keep him out of jail. He has chosen not to see Izzy (his 4-year-old daughter) because his girlfriend, Beth, has forbidden it and told him he had to choose. Beth thinks Izzy is "the spawn of Satan" and she has wished her dead on multiple occasions. She even went so far as to threaten to cut Izzy's mom's brake lines and said, "I hope Jennifer and Izzy are in the car together and they both die in the wreck." A couple weeks back, Brad came home from work and Beth yelled at him, "Take this effin' baby before I break his neck and throw him out the window!!" For some reason, Brad believes that these things are only said in "anger" and that Beth doesn't really mean it. Whatever. So my sister called Izzy's mom and she proceeded to get a restraining order against Beth. And the only reason we ever find out about the things she says is because they have fights and while Brad is angry he tells us things he normally wouldn't. Beth comes from a pretty little know, multiple family members in and out of prison, drug dealer, alcoholics, etc.... Beth also has a daughter (McKenzie) from a previous marriage. She does NOT have custody of this little girl because when Kenzie was a baby, Beth left her in the bathtub and she was hurt. Go figure. Is anyone starting to get the picture? Beth is no June Cleaver. She and Brad both did drugs throughout her pregnancy and live this totally crazy lifestyle and are always working out ways to stay on government support. Like, if Brad gets a job then Beth quits hers so she can get more food stamps, but for some reason whenever my sister would go to their house, there would be no food in the fridge. I'm sure she was selling them. Anyway, fast forward to the birth of Nathan, Brad and Beth's baby. I had already moved to Texas when he was born, so all I've ever seen of him is pictures. My mom babysits him often and Beth's crazy family babysits him mucho mucho. Like I said, Beth's family is just as nutty as Beth, but my brother doesn't listen to me so it's been no use talking to him about it. It doesn't seem to bother him that his child could be in danger. Oh well. Every time my sister would go and visit little Nathan at Brad's house he was never dressed, Beth was never dressed, the house always a disgusting mess and Brad and Beth were always fighting. On one occasion she was beating the crap out of Brad and kicked him out of the house. Like he did something..... Anyway, he went crawling back like always, using Nathan as an excuse (isn't that how all violent relationships happen?). We all saw this coming. At least my family did. I guess this is par for the course for Beth's family cause they don't seem upset by it at all. So last week Angie (my sister) calls me to tell me that Nathan is in Riley's hospital and Brad and Beth are in jail. She went through all his horrible injuries and tells me they suspect Brittle Bone disease. What was so bad about that is that I was struggling with whether to hope he had Brittle Bone or not. I mean, if you think about it, if he had that then that would totally explain everything, but if he didn't then that would mean that some evil, horrible person did this to him. After the tests came back they determined that he did NOT have that disease. I'm disgusted by it all. It makes me want to throw up. That poor, helpless little boy. I want him to come and live with me so bad so I can just love him and be gentle with him and smile at him and make him laugh and feel warm and secure. I want him not to hear screaming all the time and not be jerked around and not wondering whether he would ever be fed again and not shiver from the cold. I want none of that for him. I can't make the lump in my throat go down. I feel like I swallowed a big ball of cotton. I can't do anything from here. I don't have the money to go there. I feel like I'm just making excuses and I should just go. I know that I couldn't keep him here though because my stupid brother and his stupid girlfriend are ENTITLED to visitation and the chance to get him back. For the time being, Nathan is in foster care because he had to have surgery and has to stay with a medically certified family until he is stable. Oh but wait, it gets even worse. My sister, Angie, is a state licensed Clinical Social Worker. She loves children, is wonderful with children, but has never been able to have children of her own. She has helped hundreds of families and stepped up to the plate when all this went down with poor little Nathan. She went to court and met with the caseworkers so that she could keep him until Brad and Beth were deemed "rehabilitated," whatever that means. Know what they said???? Angie's work schedule would not work out with his needs and so they're gonna place him with Beth's crazy ass aunt. What purpose do they really think that's gonna serve??? Beth will be there everyday!!!! Hell, her mom just lives right next door. SHE'LL BE THERE ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME!!!!! Angie told them that she would take a few weeks off work to get settled with the baby and to find an appropriate day care for him for when she went back to work. I'm so pissed because none of it makes any sense! I keep asking myself how they could pass over Angie for Beth's aunt??? Don't tell me to trust the system and it'll all work out. I used to work for CPS in Indiana before my husband enlisted. I have seen the system from the inside. It's all just a big mess. It's a big mess. Don't talk to me about funding and all of those things, I'm sick to death of hearing excuses like that. So now here I am, not able to help my nephew, not able to give him hope for his future. I told my sister that we've lost this little boy to Beth's family. Brad is totally brain washed by this crazy idiot and her family. Nathan is doomed to grow up askin', "When's Uncle Joey gettin' out?" He is destined to grow up and repeat the mistakes of his family.

Dear God, please help my nephew. Please help him rise above his unfortunate circumstances. Please encourage Brad and Beth to make a miraculous turnaround. Help them to love their children. Help them WANT to love their children. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Before I Was a Mom

A friend of mine sent this to me. I think it's perfect. Enjoy!

Before I was a Mom I never learned the words to a lullaby.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom - I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Drooled on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple little grin.
I never sat up for hours watching a baby sleep.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom - I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

And remember that behind every successful mother... is a basket of dirty laundry.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Sometimes when you're all alone...

In college I had a roommate who would not laugh out loud if she was by herself. I mean, like, not at a funny movie or a show or the radio or a book. I don't know how she would laugh because I was never there when she was alone, but I imagine she would just hold her breath and smile at the same time and then look around to make sure that the nobody that was there with her didn't see her. I can't imagine being so self conscious that you can get embarrassed when you're all alone. I admit, I've got a barrage of self-esteem issues, but when I'm alone there are no holds barred. I wonder if she ever sang to herself in her bedroom mirror with the door closed. Maybe someone slammed open the door once when she was doing that as a child and it traumatized her so deeply that she vowed never to show emotion again in private. I have held very deep conversations with myself (out loud) in the privacy of my own home. These days I can even do it in my car cause people will just assume that I've got one of those Blue Tooth thingies in the ear they can't see. Little do they know, I'm just a loon talking to myself. Once I was listening to morning talk radio and they said that you can test your breath by licking the back side of your hand and then waving it around to dry and then smelling it. I was about to test that theory out when I came to a light and I looked at the car next to me to see some guy smelling the back of his hand. KARMA was on my side that day. Strange how these thoughts come to me.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

What's Up Doc?

I went to my new doctor today. To say the least, it was very awkward and somewhat embarrassing. I went because I've been having weird pains all through my torso. It's like a massive pressure on my ribs and it seems to originate from my right side. I am guessing it's my gallbladder and from a poor diet. I've also been having quite a bit of back pain, but most of that I assume is from the weight I still need to lose from my pregnancy. See, most of that weight seemed to settle in my boob area and so I've had a ton of upper back pain. Anyway, I get to the office and it's kind of run down, but I was not put off by it. It actually looks more like an urgent care facility, but not as nice. Like, the chairs in the waiting room are only slightly better than padded metal folding chairs and the entire room would shake when the water fountain would turn on and off. When I signed in they had a ridiculous giant pen that was a gift from one of their many pharmaceutical reps. Also, there was no one there in front of me, but instead of taking the clipboard that I had just signed in on while I was standing at the window, the receptionist actually watched while I walked to my seat and then opened the window to read my name - only to call me right back up to the window so she could give me all my new patient paperwork. Ok, so paperwork's done and they call me back. I thought it was weird that they had the janitor there in the middle of the day, but I was still nervous about the whole new doctor thing and didn't pay him much mind. The exam room was so drab. There was no reading material so I intently studied the aged pictures of the human anatomy tacked to the wall. Soon there was a knock (I was happy for the quick entrance), but the janitor from the hall was who came in. He looked at me and said, "Hi, I'm Dr. Hoohoo." Ok, that's not his real name, but I'm not one to name names so for now he Hoohoo. I think my attempt to hide my surprise was not successful. I thought for a moment, "Is he joking?" but he wasn't. This was my new insurance chosen doctor. He was in jeans and a t-shirt and didn't even have a lab coat on. He was a middle-aged handsome man as well, which makes everything worse. I prefer an old doctor with a good sense of humor. Now, if you've read my first post you'll know what his first question was. "Now, tell me how to pronounce your last name?" I laughed, I always do when they ask, it's like giving them permission to laugh and there's no discomfort. Do you know what my doctor did then? He raised his hand in the air (like he was "raising the roof") and started singing, "HOOOO, HOOOO" like they yell in rap songs. Oh, yes he did. I felt my eyes bulge out and stopped myself from jumping up and running away. Not only do I prefer a practically elderly doctor, I prefer one dressed in professional attire. I am fully aware of the fact that the "clothes do NOT make the man," but it just makes me feel as though they dressed for something important when they take the time to put themselves together. I feel as though being a physician is something important so at least put on some khaki's and a button down. However, I cast all of those feelings aside cause I do not want to mess with contacting the insurance company to change docs so I am still giving him the benefit of the doubt. Now he starts going over my medical history. He stops when he gets to the date of my last pap smear and comments that I need to get another one done, but he didn't stop with just a reminder. He went on to say, "You don't need an appointment for that here, we understand that people have hectic lives so why don't you and the girls go out, have a few margaritas and have 'em drop you off on the way back...I'll hook you up then."
::::nervous laugh:::: "Ok"
So, on to the examination. Understand, I'm practically jumping out of my skin at this point. I go on to explain to him the problems I'd been experiencing. During my explanation he comes and stands beside me and, literally, starts massaging my shoulders. On the one hand I was like "what the crap is going on here?" but on the other hand I was like, "oh my god that is awesome." Humor me, I guess I need to get to a spa or something. He asked me if that made my back feel better, and after answering him honestly he jumped in the air, clapped his hands together, laughed and said,"Ok then, that'll be an extra fifty bucks!" What? He then turned all serious and was looking at me from the side when he stated, "You know, you ARE a heavy breasted woman." Now, I've been called a lot of things, but never that. I must have turned three shades of purple cause I was totally embarrassed. He explained that he was saying that because if I wanted a breast reduction he could "hook me up." At this point I was really starting to wonder if he actually was the janitor and was just pretending, but then he started with some real doctor questions about my gallbladder and went into a big dramatic explanation using grand gestures and poking me in places that made sense. After explaining a little more to him he ordered an ultrasound and some blood work. He thinks that along with my gallbladder that I may have hypothyroidism. AWESOME!!! If I have that then I can blame my weight on it and not just the fact that I spend hours and hours on end laying around on the floor playing with my 15 month old and snacking. I really don't think I have that, but I can dream right? And for all you who do have it, I'm sorry for sounding so insensitive. I never even considered that for any reason when I went in there. He was actually the one who brought it up. He said that my extreme fatigue would not be related to my gallbladder and the fact that I am having trouble losing this weight, even with sensible diet and losing a ton of hair are tale tell signs so we'll just have to wait and see. The rest of the appointment went pretty typically, but before I left he stopped me and said, " Don't forget to get in here for that pap." Thanks, Doc.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Christmas with the al.

When we moved into this house I was stoked because it came with one of those fridges that has the slide out shelves. I remember telling Nick how cool that was, but after being here for 6 months I just realized that I have never once slid one of those shelves out to get something. I still move everything around to get to what I need in the back. That inevitably prompts me clean out the fridge. I ask myself now, "self, if you didn't have to move everything around to get to what you need, then would you ever clean out the fridge?" The answer is, "probably not." So I think GE needs to do everyone a favor and just do away with the sliding shelves, cause we all need cleaner fridges.

No seriously, folks. I haven't posted in awhile because the family has been here for two weeks. Yes, fourteen days of family living in my house. It wouldn't be so bad, I think, if we lived where they lived, but because we live in a different state that creates an obligation to go sight seeing. Hell, I haven't even gone sight seeing, but once they step foot here they've got their plans all laid out. Forget about schedules and routines for the kids, when they're here you gotta turn on the entertainment button in your brain and schedules go out the window. Now that they're gone I'm stuck with a 15 month old who feels that staying up til 11 pm is cool and sleeping til 9:30 is A-okay. I would love to sleep til 9:30 everyday, but since my oldest has to be on the bus at freakin' 6:30 in the morning, 9:30 is outta the question. In the meantime, I'm losing precious sleep and the patience that's required when dealing with tres ninos. I wish I had the button that makes the swirly symbol so I could put it above the second "n" in ninos, but for those that don't know, it's pronounced "neenyos." Ok, and the tres is "trace." Overall, we had a great Christmas though. The kids went temporarily insane on opening day and have since justified their constant inside playing with justifiable excuses that their toys are new and they wanna play with them bunches. Yesterday I had ten kids running amok in the house. Yes, ten. I only have three children. However, my kids apparently got some really cool toys cause every friggin' kid on our street decided it was time to visit the Hooes. Truthfully, it was kinda fun. There were actually little girls that came to play too! I have always dealt with boys. I say "dealt" on purpose cause that is what one does with boys. All this girl stuff is totally new to me, including the glass breaking soprano squeals that go along with it. The neighbor girls were here modeling in Olivia's dress-up trunk clothes, and my younger boy (with his two friends) were dressing up in his pirate gear and chasing the girls away with swords, snakes, dinosaurs and anything else that little girls apparently find terrifying. And then it was "do my hair time." Geez, what else have I forgotten from my childhood. I've lived with boys for so long that I worry I've forgotten how to be a princess. I want my girl to be a girl. I really don't want a tomboy. I want a little girl in dresses and bows, who finds great satisfaction in being able to do the splits and handsprings. My husband, on the other hand, thinks there's nothin' cuter than a little girl in hunting clothes toting a 12 gauge around. I guess we'll see how it turns out. I really can't wait to see... it's gonna be fun. Raising kids is like riding 'It's a Small World' at Disneyland, you never know what's gonna be around the next corner. Ok, so that's my update for tonight. It's 10:34 and I'm gonna try and reason my non-talking 15 month old into bed. Much love my sistas and brothas (lol that's funny) and good-night.