What is this place? What is this land? I am here because I love him. I follow because I was led. And now I am here....alone. Now, I live here, I exist here, I survive here because I am waiting.....for him. How long do we keep waiting? Forever? For awhile? Some don't even last awhile before they find a new "him".
You know, I sat on my front porch tonight and realized that I couldn't even feel "at home" with the cricket that was singing from one of my plants out front. How long does it take to be home? I can do this for as long as I need to, I suppose. Do my kids feel secure? Is this their home? Do they have the same questions? Why would I move them from town to town, neighborhood to neighborhood and block to block? I hold on to their childhood possessions from place to place so I can make each new bedroom look like the last in some far fetched effort to provide them with a sense of stability.
When I grew up I had the same best friend from elementary school through high school. We learned to still love each other even when we hated each other. When I did something that I knew would hurt her, I told her and apologized and we worked it out. Will they have that ability? When we moved in here my oldest met his new best friend and then six months later he moved away. His current friends are set to PCS (move) this summer. What then? He has to start all over with a new set of kids. He is forever "proving" himself of being worthy of friendship. How exhausting that must be. I wouldn't blame him for giving up and being tired of trying - I won't let him do that, but, like I said, I wouldn't blame him.
I want to see the Army Wives show that documents that part of this life. The part where you watch your kids wave good-bye to their best friends over and over again. Many kids go through that once.....once. These kids go through that at least once a year. I'm just mad right now - don't take it personal.
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5 comments:
I know what you mean, its so sad to see Nicholas' class now compared to it in August. Half of the kids are different, new kids that came in to take the places of the ones that left. I just thank God that by the time Nicholas hits high school we'll be done with the Army. We're hoping to get sent to Colorado before he retires since that is where we want to live permanently, but we'll see. We still have 10 years left.
I don't know what to say other than that I'm so sorry that this is happening. I admire the strength that gets you out of bed each day. I truly don't know that I could do it.
I'm praying for peace, not only in the world, but also in your heart.
xoxo
Where are you??
Hi sweetheart. Just checking in to see how you are doing. Hope all is well. xoxo
Ya got me worried, kid! Where are you??? I thought I had your email address but I can't find it. Please let me hear from ya!
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