What is this place? What is this land? I am here because I love him. I follow because I was led. And now I am here....alone. Now, I live here, I exist here, I survive here because I am waiting.....for him. How long do we keep waiting? Forever? For awhile? Some don't even last awhile before they find a new "him".
You know, I sat on my front porch tonight and realized that I couldn't even feel "at home" with the cricket that was singing from one of my plants out front. How long does it take to be home? I can do this for as long as I need to, I suppose. Do my kids feel secure? Is this their home? Do they have the same questions? Why would I move them from town to town, neighborhood to neighborhood and block to block? I hold on to their childhood possessions from place to place so I can make each new bedroom look like the last in some far fetched effort to provide them with a sense of stability.
When I grew up I had the same best friend from elementary school through high school. We learned to still love each other even when we hated each other. When I did something that I knew would hurt her, I told her and apologized and we worked it out. Will they have that ability? When we moved in here my oldest met his new best friend and then six months later he moved away. His current friends are set to PCS (move) this summer. What then? He has to start all over with a new set of kids. He is forever "proving" himself of being worthy of friendship. How exhausting that must be. I wouldn't blame him for giving up and being tired of trying - I won't let him do that, but, like I said, I wouldn't blame him.
I want to see the Army Wives show that documents that part of this life. The part where you watch your kids wave good-bye to their best friends over and over again. Many kids go through that once.....once. These kids go through that at least once a year. I'm just mad right now - don't take it personal.