Just some military jokes

I haven't posted in awhile and have generally been unmotivated to do so, so I thought I'd share some military humor with everyone. If there is any military lingo translation needed, just leave a comment and I shall decipher for you.
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Best Comeback Ever

This has got to be the all-time classic comeback. This is a recount of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who's about to sponsor a boy scout troop visiting his military installation. (Note: While this has been presented as a "true story" for several years, it is, in fact, pure fiction. In short, this incident never happened).

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?"

GENERAL REINWALD: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"

GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range."

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"

GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they ever touch a firearm."

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."

GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.
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Moms Know Best

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son had an announcement to make: He'd just signed up at an Army recruiter's office.

There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation.

"Oh, come on, quit pulling our legs," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?"

"I'm positive you'd never get through basic training," scoffed another.

The new recruit looked to his mother for help; but she was just gazing at him.

When she finally spoke, it was to voice a single question: "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"

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Officer VS NCO Observations

The Company Commander and the First Sergeant were in the field. As they hit the sack for the night, the First Sergeant said, "Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"

The CO said, "I see millions of stars."

1st Sgt.: "And what does that tell you, sir?"

CO: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Top?"

1st Sgt.: "Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent."
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Rejected US Army Slogans

"Kill All That You Can Kill"

"Shower With Men"

"Knock Up Foreign Broads"

"All The Grits You Can Eat"

"Be A Flame Thrower, Not A Flame Broiler"

"Purple Hearts = Free Beers At Hooters"

"Whimsical And Human, Just Like M*A*S*H"

"Cubicles Are For Wusses"

"Napalm Means Serious BBQ"

"Over 1,000,000 Sheared, Beaten, And Worked Into A Sub-Human Fury!"

"Totally Beefcake and Proud of It"

"Beat Up Sailors"

"We Won't Screw Your Mind Up As Bad As The Marines Will"

"Kicking Nazi Tail Since 1942"

"Don''t Ask, Don''t Tell, Don''t Accessorize"

"Risk Your Life for Freedoms No One Appreciates!"

"Play Doom? For Real!"

"Sure Beats Lurnin''''!"

"Because Terminators Are Real"

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Voice Mail

Thank you for calling the United States Army. I'm sorry, but all of our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your country, name of organization, the region, the specific crisis, and a number at which we can call you. As soon as we have sorted out the Balkans, Iraq, Korea, China, the Y2K Bug, marching up and down the streets of Washington, DC, and compulsory "Consideration Of Others" training, we will return your call.

Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to the following numbers:

If your crisis is small, and close to the sea, press 1 for the United States Marine Corps.

If your concern is distant, with a temperate climate and good hotels, and can be solved by one or two low risk, high altitude bombing runs, please press 2 for the United States Air Force. Please note this service is not available after 1630 hours, or on weekends. Special consideration will be given to customers requiring satellite or stealth technology who can provide additional research and development funding.

If your inquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a bit of gray funnel, bunting, flags and a really good marching band, please write, well in advance, to the United States Navy. Please note that Tomahawk missile service is extremely limited and will be provided on a first-come, first-served basis.

If your inquiry is not urgent, please press 3 for the Rapid Deployment Force.

If you are in real hot trouble, please press 4, and your call will be routed to the United States Army Special Operations Command. Please note that a compulsory credit check will be required to ensure you can afford the inherent TDY costs. Also be aware that USASOC may bill your account at any time and is not required to tell you why, as it will be classified.

If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to be shouted at, paid little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family in a condemned hut miles from civilization, are prepared to work your ass off daily, risking your life, in all weather and terrain, both day and night, and whilst watching Congress erode your original benefits package, then please stay on the line. Your call will shortly be connected to a bitter passed-over Army Recruiter in an old strip mall down by the Post Office.

Have a pleasant day, and thank you again for trying to contact the United States Army.
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The last one was my favorite. Just so no one gets mad at me, I need to clarify that I copy/pasted these jokes from www.about.com from their military humor section. I don't know if individuals submit the jokes or if Mr. Rod Powers (About's military journalist) acquires them somehow, but either way that is where I got them.

the N word

Again, another one where you have to click the title to get to the story.
This very issue pisses me off beyond belief. I don't understand why so much controversy revolves around this one word. I mean, yea, I get why it's a "bad word" and all, but why did black people pick this word to be the one that is precious and adopt it as a part of their everyday language. I know that not all black people use it. I know most are offended by its use, but I have never seen a black person go up to a group of black people using that word and ask them to stop. Here's my main gripe, my nine-year-old son has black friends. There are black teenagers and kids and even adults up and down our street who use that word....loudly. What's gonna happen when my son uses that word because he doesn't know that he's "not supposed to"? Well, here's what will happen: those people will assume that he comes from a racist family and assume that WE taught him that word. NOTHING could be further from the truth. We NEVER EVER use that word!! I even jumped my father-in-law's butt for using that word around my kids because it is offensive TO ME and just ignorant and I don't want that word to be a part of my children's vocabulary!! My father-in-law is 64 and I don't care that he says he's "from a different time." It's time he learned that it's not okay!! The truth of the matter is that if my son walked up to a group of black people and used that word, it would be because he heard black people saying it....loudly!!!! GRRR! Yes, I have already talked to him about it and I have also talked to his friends (black and white) and informed them that that language (just like any other bad word) is not allowed in my house. But still, it pisses me off to know that in the event that he did use that word people would naturally assume that he learned it from us, and what's worse is that they may take it out on him when it's really THEIR FAULT FOR TEACHING IT TO HIM! Be sure to read the news story that I linked to my title.

I am so sad

This is horrible. I guess I'm hormonal this morning. Not that it isn't sad, I just keep crying over it is all I mean by the hormonal comment. Pray for these families - what a tragedy. You have to click on this posts title to get to the story.

Awww, sweet nostalgia....

You're a 90's kid if:

You remember watching:
-Doug
-Ren & Stimpy
-Pinky and the Brain
-AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
-Rockos modern Life.
-Animaniacs
-Gargoyles
-Beavis and Butthead

You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"

You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiin west Philadelphia born and raised . . ."

You remember:
-Step by Step
-Family Matters
-Dinosaurs
-Boy Meets World

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early
on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

You remember reading "Goosebumps"

You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not

When everything was settled by:
-rock paper scissors or
-bubble gum bubble gum in a dish or
-ms. mary mack

when kick ball was a daily activity.

when we used to obey our parents

You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time on a tape.

You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.

You remember The Original Game Boy.

You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.

You remember watching:
-The Magic School Bus
-Wishbone
-Reading Rainbow
-and Ghostwriter on PBS

You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads and Splashers Gum.

You remember watching:
-the 1st Batman
-Aladdin
-Ninja Turtles
-ghost busters

You remember Ring Pops.

If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"

You remember boom boxes .vs. cd players.

Making those little paper fortune cookie things, and then predicting your life with them.

You played and/or collected "Pogs" :)

You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.

one word. . . . . . . .trolls.

Windows 95 was the best.

You watched the original cartoons of
-Rugrats
-Wild Thornberry's
-Power Rangers
-Rocket Power.

All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.

You collected those Beanie Babies.

Carebears

Lambchop's song never ended.

Silver dollars, which were cool to have.

Everyone watched the WB.

If you even know what an original walkman is.

You know the Macarena by heart.

"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said

You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.

You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.


Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before PlayStation3 or X-BOX 360 . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Before Tupac was shot.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.

When gas was $0.95 a gallon.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
You had slap bracelets!
You Actually played outside until it was dark!


Way back.


Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.

This was forwarded to me on my MySpace page so I can't take credit for creating it, but I can take credit for experiencing it. And for all the spelling/grammatical errors....not mine either!!

I want to move

We have got to get away. We, as a family, need to get off this post for a few days and take a mini-vacation.

Can I just say that I hate, hate, hate the way Fort Hood family housing is set up? In Georgia, the house we were in was a duplex, but the bedrooms were conveniently located at opposite ends of the building. That meant that our kitchens were opposite one another, but who cares about cooking noises? Why on Earth would any contractor think it's a good idea to put master bedrooms back to back in any housing....ESPECIALLY military housing. Not only do the soldiers have crazy hours and could be coming or going at any time of the night, but when R&R rolls around during deployments or when a couple has been separated for any length of time, it is pretty much a given that there will be frequent "intimate" encounters!! Some people don't care that the neighbors can hear them. I've got a neighbor two doors down, with whom I was discussing this very issue and she laughed and said, "Honey, if you're concentrating on being quiet, then you're concentrating on the WRONG thing!"
Ok, granted, she has a point, but I am VERY, VERY conservative. I still blush when talking about sex and things of the like. I still can't watch movies with sex scenes in them without blushing. Maybe that's why I like scary movies so much. When I was growing up, this was a topic that was avoided at all costs. It was actually detrimental to my personal development how uncomfortable my mother was when it came to these topics. For example, when I started my period I was 12 years old. I, honestly, thought that I had pooped my pants without knowing it. I know that's gross and I'm sorry, but I'm just trying to make a point here. So, in my naivety (sp?), I took off my underwear and carried them in to my mother and asked her if that was poop, cause I couldn't figure out how I could have done that without knowing. She looked at me with pure disgust and screamed at me to just throw those nasty things away and never said anything else about it. She was in one of her scary moods so I just did what she said. After that I called my best friend, she told her mom and her mom got on the phone with me and told me what seemed to have happened. I wonder, looking back, if all my friends' parents actually knew what hell my home life was like? So, the next day Shannon (my BFF back then) brought me all that I needed and showed me what to do in the bathroom. I often internally reference things that went on in my childhood so I do not repeat those same things with my kids.
Anyway, sex isn't even the reason for this post so I got off topic from the get go. The reason for this post is that Olivia was up crying ALL NIGHT last night. I just about lost my mind! Nick and I had a huge fight because we were both tired and neither one of us had the common sense to stop and say, "ok, we're tired, let's just work together." I knew I had to get up at 5AM to get the boys off to school and Nick had to be at work at 7AM and when 2 AM rolled around and she was still screaming we were just at our wits ends! Nick finally just put her in her bed around 3AM and just let her wail it out. I don't even know what the problem was! I knew early on that it was going to be a weird night because she didn't get much of a nap yesterday. Isn't that weird? When Olivia misses her nap, rather than falling asleep early and staying asleep all night, she falls asleep early and wakes up around 11PM ready to play. I think her little body interprets the early bedtime as her nap and then everything goes to hell. The reason I mentioned family housing earlier is that I am one of those rare individuals that actually cares that my neighbors get some sleep. Hell, they've got three kids too and they both work and I always feel awful when she is up crying all night. It wouldn't be so bad if her crying spells were few and far between, but she is the most difficult child I have ever been around when it comes to sleeping. She's up at least 3 nights a week. It's not always like last night, but she always wakes up somewhere between 2 and 4 in the morning and screams for at least 15-20 minutes before I can get her back to sleep. I just feel sorry for my neighbors, that's all. They always tell me that they don't hear her, but I know that isn't true because I can hear them sometimes when they're just talking in normal voices. I can't understand what they're saying, of course, but I can hear their murmurs. I don't know. I just hope this passes soon. On top of everything else, I know they can hear me and Nick arguing and that's totally embarrassing. Nick and I love each other and already this morning we have both apologized and talked about how we were just exhausted and said things we didn't mean, but the neighbors don't hear that part, they just hear the angry things. I just hate this part of housing....there's no privacy whatsoever. The other day I was raking my back yard and my dog kept barking and staring up at my other neighbor's upstairs windows. I have a very smart dog and she is very protective of us so I know that she was barking at the neighbor that I have that I call "the peeper." You know, the ones that never come outside, but live their lives through the blinds in their windows. I hate that. If she wants to be involved in what I'm doing in my yard, then by all means, grab a rake and come give me a hand. Maybe we could be friends. Instead, she just watches from the safety of her window. GRRR. Things like that lead only to problems because then they just make assumptions. For example (I've got lots of examples this post!), I've had pest control come out four times in the last month and a half for fire ants in my yard. Olivia plays a lot in the back yard and last week she sat down in a new mound that I hadn't noticed and her poor little hand was bitten/stung at least ten times. She had those little blisters all over so I called pest control for the fourth time. When he came (same guy every time) I laughed and told him not to come through the house to the back yard, but we needed to walk around from the front because people were gonna start rumors over as much as he's been here! It's crazy, right? Unfortunately, those are things you have to think about in military housing. Ok, I've totally lost my steam to write anymore and I've been all over the place....guess I need a nap - like that's actually gonna happen. I'll chat more later!!

Everyday Rodeo

OK, picture this. I'm sitting, holding out Olivia's shirt with the neck hole at exactly the right height for Olivia to just run right into it. Olivia looks at me, smiles, starts in with her little penguin trot....and then ducks right under/around the shirt I'm holding for her. Now she's at the other end of the room and I decide I'm gonna stand up and walk to her. There's that smile again, maybe a little giggle....and she's off again right under the shirt, between my legs, into the other room, wherever.
She's now 16 months old and still isnt' talking. Well, she says "daddy, da da, alkdfjjfoj" and so on, but she doesn't just call Nick "daddy", she calls everyone that, so I don't think it counts. She understands every single thing we say to her, and usually responds in her non-English babble. She follows instructions and often doesn't follow instructions (though I know she heard and understood HOOAH). She can do all things a normal 16 month old does, but cannot make words. I'm sure she's just a little behind, but her pediatrician wants to send her to a speech pathologist so that just means more running for me. If she needs it, sure it's not a big deal, but if she'll just catch up on her own, I'd rather not add more to my already hectic schedule. So, c'mon Olivia, at least say something for the doctor, eh? Hugs and Kisses, Mommy

My neighbor is a thief

I think my 12 year-old neighbor kid is stealing my son's stuff. Every time he is over, something comes up missing in the next day or two. For example, this past Sunday he needed to come over to use our internet for some practice tests for school. My husband had taken the boys fishing so the only people in the house were me, the boy and Olivia. I had been on the front porch while Olivia was napping talking to my sister on the phone for about 30 minutes. When I came back in I saw him coming down the steps. I was immediately suspicious because there was absolutely no reason for him to be upstairs and he has taken things from Sam before. He said he was using the bathroom. I told him there's a bathroom downstairs. As a matter of fact, you have to walk right past the bathroom to even get to the stairs. He then laughed nervously and said,"Oh yeah, I keep forgetting that!" We all live in military housing, so for those of you who don't know....every single house is exactly the same. He didn't forget. So I casually walk myself up the stairs and start looking around Sam's room to see if I notice anything missing. The first thing that caught my eye were his Tech Decks. They're these little skateboard things that he likes to collect. There were three sitting on top of his bookshelf, but I couldn't remember if there were supposed to be four or not. I just could not really tell so I left it alone....until this morning.

Now, it's been a crazy week and the weather has been all yucky so there has not been a single kid upstairs since Sunday. The last kid in the house that went upstairs was the neighbor boy. Sam called down to me this morning asking where his fourth Tech Deck was. I immediately stopped and I knew instantly where it was. I told Sam I wasn't sure and promised to help him look later, but quickly shooed him off to the bus. Now that he's gone I'm steaming mad. I don't even know what to do about it! I can't just all of the sudden forbid the boy from my house. I can't run over telling his mom that she's got a klepto on her hands - I have no proof!! If I were in that position, I would want proof. What mom is gonna look at her own kid's sweet face and not believe him when he says, "I swear, MOM, I didn't take anything!!" This boy is not a little one anymore - he's 12 - he needs something to fill a void that has surfaced. Their family is new to the Army and their father is looking at his first deployment in a month or two. The boy's grades have been suffering and he's been fighting with his parents. Now I have to figure out a way to tell them that I think he's been taking Sam's stuff too! Oh my God what do I do? I'm so mad I can hardly see straight. What's worse is that I've given them all the advice I can without sounding obnoxious and they just look at me like I'm crazy! She tells me he's not finishing his homework, I tell her to have him sit down and do it as soon as he gets home from school. Pretty obvious, I think, but she looked at me and said, "He's 12, I should not have to sit down and make him do his work." The way she said it told me that she was not receptive to my idea so I just dropped it.

They've got a lot of issues over there and I don't want to make it worse. The things that have gone missing are not that expensive, but it's the principle of the matter and I, honestly, do NOT want him in my house anymore. What do I do?

Someday

I got pregnant with my oldest when I was 20. I was in my junior year of college and had to drop out, move home and get a job. Chase (the donor) didn't want anything to do with me or the pregnancy. He was willing to give me the money to get an abortion, but I opted out, so to speak. I remember him asking me if I was "trying to ruin his life?" Yup, I guess that was some deep rooted goal I was trying to reach. If you look at his profile on a particular website today he mentions that he is his own hero because he has survived life thus far and he's done it "all by himself." Wow. Too bad he's never met his own son. Sam, my oldest, knows about Chase and is okay with things as they are. I have never, ever, ever said anything negative to Sam about Chase because I don't want to plant the seeds of resentment and anger in him. I simply told Sam that Chase and I agreed that I would do the better job of raising him because I was more mature and we decided together that that was how it should be since we could not be together. I know that's kind of confusing to a kid and Sam and I have had multiple conversations about it, but he seems okay and I never shut him down about it when he wants to talk. I usually tell him, too, that Nick (my husband), chose to be Sam's father. I have told Sam that Nick did not have to be his daddy everyday, but he WANTED to and LOVED Sam so much that he decided to be his daddy and my husband. Sam seems to be very receptive to that answer.

I'm just having kind of a BLAH day. I get in these moods from time to time and I always become resentful of Chase and I get angry that he actually believes that he has sacrificed and had to give up things because I got pregnant. When Sam turned 5 I finally took Chase to court for child support. I was so determined for so long that I did not need his help and that was actually the last thing I remember screaming at Chase when I told him I was pregnant. "I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! I'LL RAISE THIS BABY ON MY OWN!!" I was so determined to NOT ask him for money or help in any way, but it got to the point that I just had to. Not only that, but I was developing a very deep hatred for Chase (which, believe it or not,I do not wish to have) because he had gotten off "scot free." Honestly, (yes, I am this naive) I always EXPECTED that he would one day have a change of heart and WANT to see his son. Isn't that just stupid? I saw Sam everyday and I knew how much I loved him and I just couldn't imagine there not being a part of Chase that wouldn't be driven to at least meet his own child. So, anyway, while Chase is feeling sorry for himself he actually got to finish college and get his Master's degree. I, on the other hand, have yet to get my Bachelor's degree. I have gone back to school since having Sam, but I've also had two more kids. Those two, of course, have nothing to do with Chase (lol)...I blame my husband for them! I am totally joking, we're both to blame! Anyway, the point is that his life did not stop and mine took a big time "pause." Which brings me to the actual point of today's post.

When, tell me, please, does that slippery "someday" come? All of you who have kids or have adult kids, please, I need some positive feedback on things. I'm afraid that my Mom kept telling herself, "someday I'll do that, finish that, get to that," but her someday never came. Does it come? I'm sure things change. I mean, things you want to do become different with age, but do you ever get your own life back? Am I being selfish?

Hooe Look-alike Meter

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Geneology

Hooe Look-alike Meter

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Free genealogy search - Family search

Poor doggie!!!

This year for Christmas Olivia got one of those little Disney princess sofas that lays out to a little bed on the floor. She loved it and still does. She can move it to where she wants it and it's just her size. Unfortunately, our sweet Jack Russell Terrier, Hope, also loved it. She's one of those dogs that feels as though she's better than the floor and will lay on anything as long as it's not the floor. When we got our new living room set this year I was determined NOT to let her return to old habits and we've retrained her to stay off the furniture. So, Hope deemed Olivia's couch her bed regardless of whether Olivia was sitting there or not.

We finally decided to go and get Hope one of those cozy dog beds to see if it would work out. Before we never needed to because she was always on the couch, but after torturing her long enough with the floor and to be fair to Olivia we concluded that Hope needed her own. This is what happened:



Poor Hope, she just can't win.

Starting my diet.

Arrgh...I started the Atkins diet exactly one week ago today. I am technically still in what is called the "Induction" period, which basically means NO YUMMY STUFF AT ALL!!! I will admit that I have never lasted this long on any diet whatsoever, but it's a struggle everyday. My kids love sandwiches and every time I open the bread I get this wonderful whiff of what, to me, smells like fresh, hot baked bread. My husband, who is really the chef of the family, always does all our meat on the grill. I occasionally bake pork chops or chicken and I always do all the roasts, but he's the master of all things grilled. Saturday he put some steaks and shrimp on the grill and I would swear that that steak is the best I have ever had in my entire life!! He says I only said that because I'm dying for some variety, but I'm gonna keep building him up so he'll wanna do some more! I am just clueless when it comes to all the different good, natural foods that I'm allowed on this diet. I didn't grow up eating like he did. He grew up in the country surrounded by farmers of all different types. His mom cooked (and still does when she comes over or we go to her house) HUGE meals with a little bit of everything. Her father was a contractor and they always had workers coming and going so she learned to cook BIG. When I was growing up, we (my sibs and I) spent a lot of time on our own. Our mom worked many, many hours as well as our step-dad so our fridge was always stocked with easy foods like Hot Pockets, frozen burritos and all the junk food you can imagine. I don't ever remember there being much fruit in the house until I hit high school and got on a health food kick. Thus, that was the beginning of my never-ending struggle between the habits that came naturally to me and what my body told me I SHOULD be eating. Unfortunately, that led me down the road of starvation and excessive exercising and non-constructive criticism of my body. I spent many countless hours staring at myself in mirrors from every angle tearing myself apart. I've gotten to an age now that I can say to myself that I've got a really nice figure when I'm thin. That's actually a big step, but the problem is that I'm not thin now.
When my husband left for his fist deployment in 2005 I was pregnant with our third child. Two months later I was in the hospital by myself having a D&C because the baby had died at eight weeks in the womb. I discovered it when I was supposed to be 12 weeks along. So I carried that baby 4 weeks past it's demise. My husband couldn't get leave from Iraq to come home for the procedure so I relied on close friends in my military family to help me with my boys. It was hard, but that, unfortunately, is part of the military life. After the D&C I dropped 30 pounds within 2 months. I believe it was solely related to the loss of the baby and the loss of my husband (though temporary - it still feels like a loss) all at once. My neighbors invited me and my sons to have Easter dinner with them and their family after this weight loss had occurred and one of their friends told me how great I looked and asked how I had done it. I looked at her and plainly said, "I've lost a baby and my soul mate within three months time. Best diet ever." The whole room went quiet and all eyes were on me. I've never been so embarrassed in my entire life. I didn't mean to be rude and I should have just shrugged my shoulders and said playfully,"Stress, I guess." But that was honestly the first thing that fell out of my mouth. Either way, this initial weight loss inspired me to join a gym and try and lose more. When my husband returned from his year long deployment I was ecstatic that he didn't even recognize me!! I had lost a total of 60 pounds! I'll admit, I looked great. It felt great to occasionally turn head again and I could go out and run around with my kids again and not get so worn out that I had to quit early. But then I got pregnant again with Olivia. Thankfully, there were no problems with my pregnancy this time around, but I gained 30 pounds that I have yet to lose. This weight gain was totally different than my pregnancies with my boys in my early 20's. My belly accepted this weight gain in a totally different way and I now have what I call my "fanny pack," which totally went out of style in the 90's. I can't get it gone again and with Olivia's problems in her first few months of life (prematurity, food allergies, allergic colitis) I just never have had the time to get back in the gym again!!! So this is actually my first serious attempt since her birth at losing the weight. It's so hard to keep it up. I have to make two dinners everyday and then I have to salivate over what everyone else is eating while I eat my meat. Blah. I expected to lose some weight in my first week of Induction, but I've got one of those scales that changes depending on which direction you're leaning. You know, you put your weight on your heels and you automatically weigh 10 lbs. less, but lean forward and you get into numbers that make you wanna do jumping jacks right then and there. Ahhh, such is life. I guess I'll go get one of those fancy digital scales, but I'm gonna miss my "leaning back" numbers. Ok, so that's my dieting blurb for today, hope you've enjoyed and maybe you'll have some tips for me along my journey. I'll keep you posted on any weight loss/gain and whether I actually stick to it or not.