Monday, December 10, 2007
Learning to write again
When I was in high school and college, I could write my thoughts all day long. I recently realized that since I have been a parent I've gotten out of the practice of actually organizing my thoughts and getting them to paper. I've spent the last nine years reflecting inwardly, learning not to be as externally communicative about my own feelings for the sake of portraying the image of self control in front of my kids. Now, I am surely not saying that there haven't been lots of times when I've "lost it," but maybe that's part of the reason why I "lost it." I should have found another outlet over the past decade for my own personal self expression, but I didn't. I chose instead to spend any free time I had finishing up chores around the house or catching the latest episode of my favorite shows that I used to never get to watch. AND after just re-reading what I just wrote I can totally see how this can serve as such a release. Many people rely on God to carry their burdens. They lighten their own load by speaking intimately with Him. While I believe, I have just never mastered the art of prayer. I mean, I talk to Him from time to time. Like when I step on the scale and see I've lost a little...I definitely thank Him. When I am having a sleepless night and begin to have irrational thoughts about meteors crashing down upon my house and only killing my kids, I beg Him to protect them and I occasionally remember to thank Him when I look at my family when they are happy. I suppose I'm awful, but I'm trying to accurately remember so I can be honest. Wow, I've just traveled down so many tangents. See, back to square one with the disorganized thoughts. Oh well, I 'll keep at it.